Farkology

2006-03-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

I've moved blog.

2006-03-01T07:58:00.000+08:00

Ok. One day I might just not be able to just sit at one side and take all this abuse. One day, I suppose. Till that day, I will just observe. Just a note... If you want to scold someone, get your facts right first? The very insinuations implied by your misquotes deviate so far from the original topic that one has to stretch the imagination to consider it.

I did not ask you to come see the post I posted long ago. Which, by the way, I posted before I sent a message to you on MSN. Therefore you first basis for argument has already fallen through, based on... Well, nothing at all. Also, I did not invite you to come see my blog, neither did I send an email to you asking you to do so. You did, on the other hand, inviting me to come see what new vulgarities you had to fling at me like a monkey does with dung. Lastly, because I really don't have time to pick out any more of your mistakes, my exact words were "after reading your blog" and not like you quoted to be my exact words "thanks to your blog". Please be advised of the following information. Might do you some good the next time you bad mouth someone.

I'm starting up a new blog. This one's gonna go. My blog is prolly going to sit with my portfolio site anyway. Haven't decided on a name for it yet.

Have to go to school now.

2006-03-01T00:07:00.000+08:00

I hope you're happy now.

Bastard.

2006-02-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

Okay. I'll go fuck off. Whatever you choose. What I told you was what we both decided on. It's not a decision I made by myself. Think what you want. Say what you want. I give up already. All I am is a mother fucker. Whatever lah okay. I really don't have the time or emotional strength to go argue like a 5 year old with a foul mouth. Basically, just read what you wrote. Read it. See if it makes any cow sense to you. Cause it really doesn't serve to clarify anything except your language and choice of vocabulary.

If you had seen what I had seen, been through what I had been through, you would not say what you just said. You would not feel what you feel. I know how you feel. I've been on both sides of this distorted perspex. Don't throw me your vulgarities. I don't need them. Neither do I react to them.

Alright bah... I suppose... Perhaps I am a mother fucker. Perhaps I should go fuck off. Perhaps all I am is an asshole who really minds getting cheated on. Perhaps trying not to be hurt again is the greatest sin in the world. Perhaps all I should get is hurt. And get told to fuck off and assailed with "fuck yous" and such. Perhaps 5 years of loving someone without boundaries and with all sacrifice is nothing compared to 8 months, nearly the average gestation period of a human being. Perhaps I really am nothing. Perhaps you are the whole idea. Perhaps all I needed was someone to tell me to go fuck myself and such.

Doesn't help that all the films today were sad and suicidal does it?

2006-02-26T03:03:00.000+08:00

Yay... Finally put something in my deviantART...

My deviantART

Here's stuff I made today...

The "I Love My Bunny V2.0" is a B&W version of the one I did earlier. I prefer things in B&W so I'm starting a series of B&W portraits of the people in my life.

This is mine.

Kinda tired now. it's 3am... Today's picnic was awesome... Condensed milk from a shampoo bottle clone!!! Lol... The weather was nice and cooling too... Haven't seen you guys in ages... It's really been a long long while... The mat was expensive... 13 dollars for this tiny scrap of thingy. It was cool anyway. Learnt to skateboard a bit... Almost snapped Sara's board when dear tried to climb on with me... Went to Sara's house for dinner... Played with Happy... Sung songs on the guitars... Ate lots of vege... And one chili padi... T.T PJ's dog is huge for a Jack Russell... Really... Huge... Dog... Watched magic tricks online... Very cool stuff... He turned a live bird into an egg... Got a lemon... Made the egg vanish... Got an orange... Made the lemon vanish... Cut open the orange and POOF! The lemon was IN the orange. Cut open the lemon and POOF! The egg was IN the lemon. Crack the egg and POOF! The bird reappeared out of his hands. SICK SHIT.

Alot of hype has been going on regarding that NYP girl whose phone got stolen and the lewd videos she took of her boyfriend and her were posted up on the world wide web by the phone thief. Tarnishes the name of Singapore. Really. The entire world now view our country through tainted glass... Fucking ugly tainted glass at that... The video itself is 8 minutes long... Crazy... In my opinion (not that anyone gives a shit anyway), is that all parties are wrong.

a) The girl herself who stupidly lets her boyfriend video tape the entire event
b) The stupid boyfriend who tapes the process
c) The fucking phone thief (I hate phone nabbers), and his/her insolence in posting the videos
d) All the idiots who keep posting the videos up
e) That bastard selling the video on ebay

Don't ask me where to find the videos. I know where they are (virus free, etc etc) but I'm not about to propagate what I strongly condemn.

Speaking of which, children, when engaging in sexual activity, always use a condem.

Evil of evils.

Next topic. Today, the nation mourned the passing of Mr S. Rajaratnam (heaven knows if I spelt that right), one of our country's pioneering leaders and our first ever foreign minister guy. It's sad really... Even I felt sad... Then came the Power 98 announcement that "in respect for the passing of Mr Raja(insert rest of name), Power 98 will not be having any commercials or DJ programmes. Just music and the news reports." What is the damn point... A few minutes of silence would be much better in my opinion rather than letting your staff off on holiday.

I've been updating my friendster like crazy recently. Not sure why. I think it was the lull in activity that's been hanging around like old sock aroma for nearly 3 months. I don't even listen to some of the artists I previously had on my profile anymore. Sigh... How time flies... Soon, my dear is going to graduate and start working and all that jazz... She said she'll be my sugar daddy while I sit around and drink tea like a taitai... =.= I was considering taking architecture in NUS as a second degree after ADM... Not sure though... Sighhhh...

My dad is borrowing my car on Monday and Tuesday next week... =.= His car is in the workshop so he has to borrow mine... Ah well... I drove it to school recently... Took me about 7 minutes... I wasn't speeding though... I love my radio... Pump up the volume loud enough and the sound system just bounces the car along the road... lol...

Okay... This post is getting too long... Shall stop around here now...

2006-02-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

See what my dear made for me?

=) Love you loads, my Sharon bear. Made this for her in exchange!

Ying Bear out!

2006-02-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

Here's some photos...

A little girl playing at the water fountain at Bugis with her mommy...

Fluffy Jr... Sharon bought him/her for me yesterday... We haven't figured if it's a boy or a girl yet...

=3 One of the last two pink doggies at Cine's More Than Words.

2006-02-24T12:55:00.000+08:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie

I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on and on

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I end my one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind for the very last  time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
to my last cry

2006-02-24T09:14:00.000+08:00

Here we go again...

Haix... I've had alot of bullshit thrown in my face before, but yours is by far the most hurting... I don't know when you'll give up like you promised you would. I don't know when you'll stop like you promised you would. I don't know when you'll delete the pictures like you promised you would. Walk away like you promised. Leave us alone like you promised.

Your promises are worthless.

Yet you make those worthless promises to her. Your point being? Your unrelenting care and concern? Built on lies and promises that crumble even before being tested?

We really don't want you in our lives. I hope one day you can come to see that. And stop pestering us once and for all. You don't have to promise us anything because your promises are simply ephemeral slivers of bullshit that you toss nonchalantly in the faces of others with such sick glee.

One day you might understand how I feel about this matter. One day you might grow up. One day you might become more mature and cultivate some morals. One day you might even make promises you stick to.

But till then, in our eyes, you are nobody and nothing.

I'm politely asking you to leave right now.

Or I'll make you.

2006-02-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

sigh... -kneads temples- okay okay...

I shall not even begin to explain how you misunderstood my post as well... I thought by putting as many explanations in lil brackets and bolds and italics would somehow make things clearer to you, but they didn't. So, I shall just sit aside for now. Words are simply doing me no good for I seem to be utterly unable to express myself in the way I wish to. I once thought I could convey my feelings and thoughts quite well through my words, but apparently, I have lost this touch. Perhaps I never had it. Perhaps we're all just allergic to reading. Perhaps.

Sigh... One thing I need to clarify bah... So this argument doesn't escalate into one of those which happened oh-so-long ago... Sharon is not a freeloader... She seems to have turned over a new leaf and buys me stuff and all. It's pretty much equal now... I don't think I even paid for anything today, come to think about it...

We did come to conclusion some time ago that Roy coming was not your fault and beyond your control. Neither did we blame you for it, and neither was my tag explicitly referring to you. It was to prevent another awkward situation.

If you would like me to take it anyway I like, I shall. Thank you for the invitation to do so. And thank you also, for being so blunt with me about the picnic. But if I do recall, it was you who first asked me to post about the picnic. Please refrain from asking me to do so again if you wish for me to post in order to break my invitation down to something it was not meant to be.

Have a pleasant weekend.

2006-02-23T08:54:00.000+08:00

In Response To The Tags and Others...

Alright... Let's settle this okay? Firstly, I mentioned that alot of us, as I am unsure if all of us have found ourselves an other half. So I said alot. Secondly, Sharon was part of the Gongs before she became my girlfriend. So she is firstly a gong, and secondly my gf. So she is not applicable to the statement about bringing bfs and gfs. In the situation that she was, she would be under the umbrella of "Gongs", and thus would come anyway. True? Therefore, my statement [Quote " eh... and bfs/gfs if u want. But no friend of a friend of a friend like my birthday."] was not intended to apply to me, as I did not consider Sharon as my gf, but as a Gong when concerning matters about the Gongs. I hope you can understand my view on these matters. We have been through this before, same conversation, different people, two years ago. Please check and revert.

[Please note, this clarification of Sharon's role when it comes to matters involving all of the Gongs has been done before several years ago. My bolding of the duration is to remind the reader of its repetition, and not done in any angry undertones.]

Also, if you would not like to come, due to whatever reason you have for excusing yourself, please do not try to spark any conflicts before, during or after the event. I personally feel that it is because we don't meet up much that we are drifting apart. It is perfectly normal for people to drift apart, but if we're going to fight this natural order of things and stick together as pals, we really need to try to meet up as often as our schedules can allow us. I organized this Saturday as a replacement meeting for Valentines Day as alot of people did not show up on V Day. Therefore, if you do not wish to participate in this Saturday, or future events, I will take it into consideration and duly understand your stand in the matter.

[Please note, the "you" referred to in this post is a general "you" to identify the viewer as a second character in order to reference to. Please do not take it as a personal attack as the "you" is neither subjectifying nor derogatory.]

Therefore, in conclusion, should you wish to rebutt to this post, please read carefully before doing so. I do not cast my words out without careful consideration and mulling thought. This is to prevent any misconceptions about what I say. Unfortunately, misunderstandings still occur as we do not read what we truly intend to say, instead, deriving a meaning far from what we orginally set out to imply.

[Please note, I use the word "we" here as someone would use the word "one" in a sentence describing a general public or mass. In substitution, the sentence would be "Unfortunately, misunderstandings still occur as one does not read what one truly intends to say, instead, deriving a meaning far from what one orginally sets out to imply."]

"Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is really promoting falsehood" - Hope, Anthony (1863-1933)
"We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are." - Anais Nin
"Nihil est in intellectu quod non fuit prius in sensu: Nothing is in the understanding, which was not first perceived by some of the senses." - John Locke

2006-02-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

PHOTOGRAPHS!

Yay... More photos... Finally...

Kisses! Old pic... On the way to Zouk...

I love my bunny... =3

Ying bear! New bear I bought for dear today for no reason whatsoever... Cute?

Dear posing with her new bear... Million thanks and kisses to dear who came down to support me in the film fest today! -muacks!- You're the best!

2006-02-21T12:06:00.000+08:00

Grrr... Tired. And a tad angry at someone. Okay. Maybe not just a tad. It's my duty to protect my girlfriend and I shall. So I shall beat your brains out the next time you insult her. I can promise you that. And I don't go back on promises like you do. I wish you could simply respect her wishes and go away. Really.

Been listening to a new band this morning. An odd quiz online suggested i might like it. It's alright I guess. I like the bits when its more mellow with more lyrics. Funeral For a Friend. Hmm... Long name...

Xuany introduced a new game to me. It launches today in the US. Rising Force online. Freaking cool graphics. I hope it comes out on mac or universal... We're both going to join the Bellato Union and pound the shit out of Accretia. The game basically has 3 clans, Accretia, Bellato and Cora. The Accretia Empire is a clan of cyborgs bent on destroying the universe and all. They have in their arsenal a huge gun which blows everything up in a hellfire of destruction. Bellato Union is a clan of shortish people who have exceptional skills with mechs. Their speciality are these damn cool mechs and other such gadgets of doom. Cora is a clan which draws on magic and spirit summoning to aid them in their fights. Like mages and such lah.

Cool stuff.

I'm getting Xuan to buy a copy for me in Canada and send it over for me. The graphics are way cool. Check out this site for some of the videos. The actual game play is like this. I think.

RF ONLINE VIDS

Today is the launch of Focal2006. Everything seems to be unprepared... ARGGHHH!!! Either that or there is nothing to prepare and I'm just getting frantic over nothing. Literally. Meep!

2006-02-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

Regarding the Gong Picnic this Saturday...

Alright... Here's the plan... On Saturday, we'll meet at around 330 at City Hall MRT and depart for one of the following places:

a) Labrador Park
b) Changi
c) The Red House (wtf...)
d) Someone's house
e) Botanical Gardens
f) Pulau Ubin
g) Old Changi Hospital
h) Marina South (Fly kite and if all else fails, steamboat!)

Everyone has to bring one food item (someone remember drinks hor) then we'll go have a picnic of sorts. I'm going to be bringing a set of mini speakers rather than a cd player so we can listen to everyone's cd player/mp3 player/music player. We could talk like a bunch of old people, or I could bring some games and stuff. More importantly is our reunion bah... All Gongs have to (preferably) appear hor... Here is a list of the Gongs. In alphabetical order.

- Charmaine
- Geraldine
- Grace
- Marilyn
- PJ
- Rachel
- Sara
- Sharon
- Simmie
- Victoria
- Yingying

Tada! Well, I kinda hope everyone can make it... It's been ages since we last got together and all...

Next on the agenda... Tomorrow is the launch of Focal2006... Starting with the workshop by Yuni Hadi from Substation. Sigh... I'm kinda worried we can't pull this off really... I'm scared to some extent. We're involving the University's name here... Kinda like representatives of NTU's newest faculty. Hope we don't mess it up...

Yet, I feel very proud to be part of the Focal2006 team... I think we've done a fantastic job so far. I'm really proud of you guys... You guys are amazing... Really...

So here's to tomorrow and a great month of films ahead of us!

2006-02-19T18:08:00.000+08:00

Starting on my portfolio site now. Was going to call it Drunk Fish... But Sharon said it resembled Bassfish, her friends' band. So I shall think of something else. Diseased sheep maybe. She bought me a new toy yesterday. A diseased looking sheep. Been carrying it around everywhere. Yes. Maybe.

Diseasedsheep.net
D-Sheep.net
D-Mehmeh.net
Mehmeh.net
Baaa.net
Crosseyedsheep.net
Error404.net
Yingsportfolio.net
Fuckyou.net
Takenoprisoners.net
Dotnet.net
Frozenfish.net
Youbastard.net

Whee.

2006-02-19T18:02:00.000+08:00

What the fuck is wrong with you.

How the fuck would you feel if you were in my shoes.

Was what you said to me all just a pile of fucking bullshits.

Were you lying to me or just everyone.

Just everyone? Yes. Just. Cause in your little world, there's just you. You, you and, oh yes. You.

You with the lies. The lies of giving up. The lies of deleting the pictures. The lies of not msging her. The FUCKING LIES.

Yay.

Honestly arh, sometimes I can't decide if I would be happier if you or I disappeared. All the damn time you say you disappear, 2 seconds later you change your fucking mind. What's the fucking point if you can't keep your fucking word, can't make up your fucking mind, can't even learn some fucking morals. Is it that difficult? Having SOME morals? Must be right?

Fine. Have it your fucking way. Do what you fucking want. I give up on you. Honestly. Dealing with a civilized human is much easier than the likes of you.

2006-02-18T08:28:00.000+08:00

T.T

So sweet to me de... -cries-

I actually cried in my bathroom. (don't ask me what was I doing with my computer in the bathroom. =.=)

Anyway, in response to the responses on my tag board...

Let's have the picnic next weekend. If the beach idea isn't going to go, we could always picnic at the botanical gardens or the middle of a street or in a golf course or something or rather. We would prolly start the picnic later in the day when it's not so hot. So prolly evening. Maybe 4pm. Would be awesome. Everyone bring one food/edible object and i'll bring a cd player and all that. =3 Once I find a cd player anyway. After that we could always go walk walk around the nearby area and do one of those outing things (ie, movies, talking, coffee, shopping, etc).Would be a nice relaxing day. Next week would prolly be better I suppose. This week would be too rush to plan. I'll send out sms to you guys once we decide on a place and all to confirm who can make it. So SATURDAY 4PM. or sunday. Pls tag my board or sms me if you're interested in coming lo... This invitation is to GONG FAMILY PEOPLE!!!

2006-02-17T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hey all! Go to this site

FOCAL2006

I am part of a group of students from NTU's Art Design and Media faculty bringing to you NTU's first ever film festival. The theme for this year? Local films. We'll be having workshops next week as well as film screenings of local short films. In addition, the directors themselves will be coming down to give a short discussion session about their lives and their work. Awesome stuff that may very well be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Must come down. If you're interested, pls let me know or contact us through our website as shown above. This event is open to all educational institutions throughout Singapore.

MUST COME!!!!

2006-02-15T18:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the... Oddest Valentines Days ever... Woke up early to get the flowers ready then headed off to school. Gave all the girls nice roses, even Prof Eileen Reynolds. She looked kinda down... Meep... Anyway, my dear came to pick me up after school and we took a long cab ride down to Suntec to meet Sara for the annual v day thing... Not sure what has been going for the past couple of years I wasn't around, but I don't think its like this...

Everyone pulled out just before the dinner. GAH! Sigh... Why liddat arh people... Anyway, we might be having a picnic thing sometime this or next weekend... Hope you can all make it as a make-up session or something.

Had dinner with my dear and Sara at Marche... Yummy stuff... Even saw Sharon's friend from TP with his girlfriend. Lol... Walked over to Esplanade for chocolate as dessert... Presents? I got my dear a huge bunch of sunflowers... But she said she doesn't like flowers so I gave them to my mommy... Ran over to Canteen A in the afternoon (cross-campus mind you!) to get a cute lil balloon and drew lil cartoons all over it as my v day present to her instead. =3 tiring work but her smile was worth it. In return, she got me this cute lil cow... soooo cute... =3 sigh...

Doing 4D work and Sharon's apel thingy concurrently... Tiring... Got a throbbing headache... Dunno what Wenshing means by photos of time and space... Garh! Her classes are very trying recently... She seems to be rather against my images... So I put double the effort of my DOUBLED efforts from the last time... =.= Back ache already... Sigh...

2006-02-15T18:27:00.000+08:00

A song for you

There are very many things
I would like to say to you,
but I've lost my way
and I've lost my words.

There are very many places
I would like to go
but I can't find the key
to open my door.

The weight of my words
you can't feel it anymore.

There are very many ways
I would like to break the spell
you've cast upon me.

'Cause all the time
I sacrificed myself
to make you want me,
has made you hant me.

The weight of my words
you can't feel it anymore.

2006-02-11T08:52:00.000+08:00

Zzz... Damn I'm tired...

Yesterday, we had 3D class... The stupid satay sticks were a let down. Shall redo it later this semester. Probably during the semester break. Use nicer sticks and all. Took a cab from JP down to TP to pick Sharon up and we went to meet Sara at PS to drum for a bit. Funny... I couldn't finish any game yesterday... Like how Sharon forgot where all the colors were... Lol...

Hey... Congratulations to my sister BAABBOOOOO.... Who got 12 points for O Levels man!!! SUT SUT!!!! Wah... Second person in my family to take O levels. We're on a roll here. Next person sure to get damn awesome results too. She got 3As!!! Woot!!!

We started comparing results (Sharon, Sara and I) over popiah, coconut and soursop. I can't even remember what I go anymore... Meh... Geography, science, combined humanities, english, emath... 5 arh... I think so... Okok. So now my family has a grand total of 8 As already!!! Whee!!

Okok... Enough with the results. After the food, we went to play and then went to buy presents for Deon! Argh, that stupid ah beng guy was there. He pierced his lip sia... =.= Retarded.

Anyway, we bought her this cute cup and put it in a cute box with a giant card which I drew monkeys on. =3 MONKEY!!! Anyway, we took a cab down to T2 @ Changi Airport, talking utter rubbish along the way... Well, Sharon was napping on my lap so Sara and I were talking rubbish, and making weird comments about her thing which is normally short but gets very long when she plays with it.... Shudder...

We had dinner at the Fish and Co there. Sharon and I shared a seafood platter for 2 and so did Deon and Wendy. Sara had fish and chips. i was really quite hungry at first... Till I started eating. Anyway, the food was very filling and the cake was so cute. Haha... Looks like the cake the Quad @ NTU sells... That chocolate cake... Yum... =3 Sharon didn't really like the cake so she fed me most of it... After mushing it with her fork. =x

We took a nice train ride and cab home after that... Tired... Later I'm going drawing with Sara before meeting Sharon who will be going out with some guy later tonight... -mutter mutter- Bah... Give up already la...

Tomorrow is the last day of Chinese New Year... My family is coming over and all... Fun stuff... Saw Ruey Juan the other day at art friend... Art friend is attracting the weirdest people now... The other day, I was paying for mid tone paper, and a bunch of guys were standing behind me, practically announcing to the world which school they came from like their going there was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Bunch of losers...

Whats so good about sliced bread anyway. Anyone can slice a fucking bread loaf. What's the big deal.

My mood is getting quite sour... Need to go update PIOD later... We went to Yuki no Yaki the other day before watching the long weekend. Weird show. Stupid fucking SMS. Realized that you're a fucking. Liar.

YOU FUCKING LIAR.

Ruin my whole bloody day. Fun right? Must be damn fun. Hey! Let's all go ruin Ying's day cause she doesn't deserve one fucking day without crying! Yay!

Well, fuck off.

私達によってが出かけたり、そこにちょうどあらゆるいまいましい時間はであるなる。性交がである何私は考えるために仮定した。すべての後の、事は同じまだである。私は常にそれにもかかわらずの傷を得る。そして私は、事が異なっていることを約束する。それらはいかに別得たか。私達がの事の後で一緒に戻ったときに事が異なっていることを約束した。私が単のためのシンガポールにとどまることにしたときに事が異なっていることを約束した。あなたの第2 年始まったときに事が異なっていることを約束した。(少数の月があるために外見上かなるどれ) 事が懸命にのあなたの数週後に異なっていることを約束した。事が異なっている今ことを約束する。それらはいかに別得たか。実際に変わったか。またはそれらはあなたの他の約束のようであるか。空及び壊れものか。私はそんなに傷ついた従って幸せであることができる。私はそんなに叫んだ従ってほしいと思うものが有することができる。豊かな生活を過すかどうか私に尋ねるか。私ははい言う。私はあきらめた従って豊かな生活を過すことができる。私は出血した従って別のもののために微笑する、保持する誰か他の人をの接吻誰か他の人別の会社を楽しむことができる。私に今接吻すると私がいかに実際に感じるか知っているか。私は感じたり従って弱めた。原因従って多くの他の人は接吻した。静かな鉱山の間。私は中傷つくことであり、言うことができない。私によっては内部が死んでいる私はそれを示すことができない。私は常に悲しい。私は常に叫んでいる。私の部分は既に死んでしまった。私は私が与えることを試みた従って私ととどまるかどの位見ることを望む。

2006-02-06T22:41:00.000+08:00

Please don't find another guy... Even if he's another cover... Please don't... We'll figure something out... I'll figure something out... I promise...

I promise...

2006-02-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

Please don't...
I won't be able to survive...
You tell me the other guys were excuses...
You tell me you won't leave me...
You tell me you love me...

You're leaving...

Please don't...
I won't be able to take this heart ache...
The sitting alone on valentines day...
The tears that simply won't stop...
I wish she hadn't found out...
I wish I had stopped you from leaving the elevator...
I wish you had come down with me again so I could see you for that one minute more...

I wish...

I wish the world was on our side...

2006-02-05T15:06:00.000+08:00

Why...

Why do you do this... Why do you say these things... Why do you think this way... Why why why... They hurt me, you know. How would you feel if you were in my shoes, reading these things. What do you want... Leave us the hell alone... Okay?

2006-02-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

The series of you...

2006-02-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

BOO!

Lol... Went to East Coast today to roller blade... Kept raining... Wanted to have SEX ON THE BEACH. But it was raining. So we went to Marina Square instead. Bought new clothes cause the ones we were wearing were all wet. Sharon got a new jeans and a new... Lol. Looked nice anyway. Went to Dian Xiao Er to eat... Waited more than an hour... Meh... Came up with a new idea... A blog about the different awesome foods in Singapore. Starting today.

PIOD @ http://piod.wordpress.com

PIOD stands for Puny Island of Doom... Coined by Sharon... One day, if this takes off, we might get free meals to blog about the place... Lol... I wish...

2006-02-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Hey! Photographs!

Uploaded these from my handphone cam. I have a few hundred in my D70 I shall refrain from touching till after the photoshoot. =3

My 3D proportions project... From this day on, known as... Orbit!

Shoom!!!

This is my shuai ge... Pouting at her bread and butter pudding... Lol... Her hair so nice and short now... More shuai than me...

ARGH!!! My new tattoo... Check it out... Lol...

Meep! Picnic call! Two weeks from now saturday (17th Feb 06) we'll have a picnic at Sentosa!!! Yay!!! Anyway, shall msg you all about the time and details and stuff... =3

2006-02-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Alright... I have this sinking feeling I will either:

a. Not post this post.
b. Post then take it down a while later.
c. Post it and leave it for life.

Each decision would more or less affect my life in one way or another I suppose.

Let's see... Response.

1. I did not say that I had left her. Never did, come to think about it. I'm not too sure how you derived it but I did not leave her.
2. Be where? I assume it meant last night. I did kinda ask who wanted to go msg me. So those who msged me came.
3. I tried making it as clear as I possibly could. Even telling you I would not choose you (in a metaphorical sense). I'm not sure how much clearer I can get on that.

Read this, don't read this. Interpret it whatever way you wish. Goodbye then.

Okay... Oh well... This isn't the first time people have misinterpreted what I said. Therefore, from now on, I shall be as blunt as I possibly can. Perhaps this would solve this once and for all.

You will never know

2006-02-01T22:31:00.000+08:00

You will never know...

The words that I can't say to you.
These feelings that my heart can't show you.
The insane dum dum dum my heart makes when you're around.
The constant dull ache in my heart when you're not near.
The lackluster color my world fades into when I don't hear your voice.
The sharp pang of lonliness when you leave my sight.
The coldness of my world without you.
The true emptiness of my life before I met you.

How much I really love you.

You will never know... How much this one girl can truly love you... You will always be so close, yet untouchable... So distant yet always on my mind... I can never have all of you. I can never give all I want to give. I can never truly call you mine.

Yet in this time and space. I love you.

But you will never know.

CNY DAY 2

2006-01-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

Total takings: 466

Sigh... I feel tired... Went around vising alot today... My grandma was in the chinese papers! She went to the airport to pick up that Korean actor guy and the papers wrote about her cause she's 73 and all... She even got to hug the actor.. Lol... cute grandma... Went to my grand uncle's place. He's president of so many photographic societies all over the world... T.T siao... Oh well...

Falling sick... Grr... Coughing like a mad person...

Changed the way my adium looks... I need a few changes in my life, i suppose... Alot of cold jokes... My family is just full of cold jokes..

look... song...

Vois sur ton chemin
Gamins oubliés égarés
Donne-leur la main
Pour les mener
Vers d'autres lendemains

Sens au cœur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de gloire

Bonheurs enfantins
Trop vite oubliés effacés
Une lumière dorée brille sans fin
Tout au bout du chemin

Sens au cœur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de gloire

Bonheurs enfantins
Trop vite oubliés effacés
Une lumière dorée brille sans fin

CNY DAY 1

2006-01-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

Well, that was the first day of CNY... Total angbao tally? Not a clue. I won't open them till the last day of collecting, then stuff them into my ocbc account come wednesday when ntu-ocbc opens again. Anyway, I went to my grandma's house today... The funny thing about my family is that on the first day, we just congregate at my grandma's. Like... Angbao central or something. But it's fun. I miss her cooking. SO DAMN YUMMY... I'm addicted to the spinach she cooks... Sigh... We even had kampong chicken. Nice nice... We watched a slideshow of photos from all our parents' weddings... Sigh... I miss my grandpa...

My mommy got my army pants to wear tomorrow with an orange tank top... =p shall go spike my hair nicely... Meep... Fun with Dick and Jane is out! I wanna watch!!! took alot of photos today... And some for my 4d project... maoh...

Made a new blogskin for sharon out of the monsters I sketched in my sketchbook... Lol.. She's using it already... Shall make a nicer one for her tomorrow I think... That one looks a tad clogged up... I like blog layouts in tables, rather than frames... I'm not a scrolling person...

Went out with my family to watch... memoirs of a geisha... Lol... Yes... Again... Third time already... but I love the show... No one, so far, thinks it deserves only 2 stars like all the papers give it. Prolly 3.5 to 4...

Coughing getting from bad to worse now... Urgh...

Need to do homework... T.T

Attention readers....

2006-01-28T13:21:00.000+08:00

Attention all readers of http://www.suckshitanddie.blogspot.com

I'll be holding a mini Chinese New Year party for all at my house on Tuesday next week (31st January 2006) for all (KC, uni, random friends). My mom's cooking yummy stuff... =p Ie, Buddha Jumps over the wall, pork leg bee hoon, etc etc. Yummy. Promise. We'll also go to the fun fair thingy they have every Chinese New Year near the Esplanade. I'm not sure where they're having it this year, but we'll find it.

Interested parties please contact me on my cell phone (97479566) or email me, or tag me. Happy Chinese New Year to all!

On another note, I just painted my main gate... I finally noticed... How bloody big it is... And how tiny my paintbrush seems to be... =.= Time to eat... I smell like Nippon.

I am a WereYing

2006-01-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

Grey skies, clouding up the things
We used to see with wide eyes
Maybe everything was meant to be this way
Will it ever change,
Or are we stuck here on our own?
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

I've found telling you the truth
The hardest thing to get out
I know it wasn't you
That made me feel this way
Will it ever change,
Or are we stuck here on our own?

And give it one more try
I don't know if I will stay
But I feel so much better now
And, baby, begging me
Will leave you so empty inside
So you shouldn't even try

I know every last regret
Inside of me is my own
The way I hold them close
Has made me be this way
I will never change
I know I'm stuck here on my own
My own

And give it one more try
I don't know if I will stay
But I feel so much better now
Where did we go wrong?
I know you still hold on to me
But it's time that you let go

I gave you things I had
That I could not give back again
But I'm better off alone
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey
It's all gone grey

WhatsNew

2006-01-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

Lots to blog about. So here's a list of "Whats New in the Life of Ying".

- I have a strangely unhealthy obsession with my school work
- I love drawing highlights on mid tone paper
- I love Foundation class
- I have the Lights and Sounds cd by Yellowcard
- I love the Lights and Sounds cd by Yellowcard
- I cleaned my room for new year
- I tossed half the clothes out of my cupboard
- I found my 0.3 drawing pen. =.=
- I have an obsession with writing neatly on blank pieces of paper
- Mohawk
- Sharon has a new boyfriend (LOL)
- I have the new plastic 2 dollar notes
- I can play Classic Party extreme with bass!!!
- I have new drumsticks of Japanese Oak with nylon tips
- I got my red sticks back
- I'm teaching myself drums
- I watched and wrote a report on The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock
- Pink foam... =.=
- New black ring

Makes you wonder

2006-01-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

I was telling someone just now... That we need pain, suffering, hurt, happiness... All that to remind us we're alive...

Less than an hour ago, my heart shattered. For the last time. A brief flash of near crippling pain, then...

Nothing.

I felt nothing.

The pain was too great to handle, I suppose...

I had been sitting there for close to three hours... And was thinking to myself... "Ying... You're just being paranoid... He's not coming lah..."

And in the last 5 minutes? He appeared.

What more did I need? For a sign for me to get lost... I got up, and left. The dinner and sweets I bought for u... I threw them as far as my strength allowed. I don't know where to... My tears blinded me...

I walked to the bus stop, crying. You wouldn't notice anyway... You called me back even though I was in a cab already... My heart stopped beating. I can't feel it beating anymore really...

Am I still alive if my heart has already stopped?

The heart dies a slow death. Shedding its hopes like leaves until there are none left. No hopes.

Hurts some... I guess... There's still a tinge of hurt... Perhaps there's life in me yet... Yet... It's fading... Fading so fast...

There.

It's gone now.

Here's Ying. The walking corpse.

Saturday Net Pets

2006-01-21T08:52:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Early morning photos

2006-01-21T08:17:00.000+08:00

Malcolm posing for 2D class... =.=

Sharon sleeping under a pile of cushy things she bought me... Yesh... She bought me all that...

My hair after vigorous torture.

Launch of my program!

Sleeping again! Come my house only do two things. Sleep and...

Look at my udder balloon... Sharon kope for me wan...

Pillowcase Sara's funny lil thingy part 2. Haha.. It's fun to play with...

Me, looking hardworking, and Phoebe. Actually, I'm stoning. Can you tell?

Napping on my lap... Aiyoh... So cute... Makes you just wanna pinch her cheeks or gobble her up...

Should I blog? Yeap.

Lets start from.. What I have done that past few days.

I have...

- Baked a brownie for 3 hours

- Smothered Sharon in pillows

- Found out she doesn't like being tucked in THAT way

- Gotten completely soaked in the rain

- Turned away at the Esplanade's front doors because I was soaked

- Driven my car around and drove Sharon around

- Washed my car

- Brought Sharon for a manicure which she cleaned off 5 minutes after I paid for it

- Got my lightbox back

- Said hi to Sharon's mom and sis (who seem suspiciously happy to see me)

- Watched Creature Comforts

- Gone to MINISTRY OF SOUND

- Seen my girlfriend dancing with an OLD MAN

- Gotten drunk

- Piggybacked around by Sharon (it's fun... =p But she's doing it alot now... Painfullll)

- Gotten a new bag from my mom

- Learnt to play the following songs I've always wanted to on Drum Mania (Agnes Dei, Weird traditional Jap song with butterflies and reclining ladies, Midnight Special, Get Ready)

- Learnt to play the following songs without auto bass ( Funny Jap song with the night sky picture near the front extreme, Right On Time extreme, Dragon Blade advanced, Classic Party 3 extreme)

- Dreamt that I could play Departure extreme

- Put Yellowcard's new album "Lights and Sounds" on my wishlist

- Obsessed over Yellowcard

- Eaten Fried Fish Noodles twice

- Drunk 12 cans of Ice Lemon Tea this week

- Styled my hair into a mohawk

- Sung like a drunk

- Watched Memoirs of a Geisha

- Drunk too much coke

- Played too much drums

- Gotten my girlfriend smitten with my doggy

I feel like a very productive person...

My Net Pet

2006-01-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

Here is my new net pet... shall try to get alot alot alot... cause I'm obsessed with changing their colors...

adopt your own virtual pet!

I just...

2006-01-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

I just...

... Wanted to be yours.
... Wanted to be able to tell you I love you and know you feel the same.
... Wanted to live one day without doubts in my mind.
... Wanted to have you to myself.
... Wanted a life together.
... Wanted to be loved. Hugged. Kissed. Treasured. Held. Protected.

Needed.

Wanted.

Perhaps I wanted too much from the one I loved most... Perhaps being loved back was alot to ask for... Not this guy, then it's another. Not that guy then it's someone new.

Someone new...

Haix...

Explains why you're on Rakion so much...

If I played Rakion... If I had a pc... If I was a guy...

Maybe.

Just maybe.

I could be loved by you.

I could be the only one in your heart.

Not Freddy, not Hard, not that new guy.

Just me.

Is there enough space for that?

In Honor

2006-01-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

This post is in honor of all those out there.

Yep. You.

You, the ones who wait till the bit where you go "I told you so", where you derive such great satisfaction.

You, the ones who sit around and talk about me and my life, passing judgements on me someone must have granted you authority to.

You, the ones who read this blog so selectively that you simply block out the bits of my posts that just don't quite seem to agree with your train of thought.

You, the ones who doubt, still doubt, continue to doubt, and will continue to doubt till you join the first group in the huge collective sigh of "I told you so".

This. Is in honor of you all.

For some time now (some time being a period of roughly 3 years), I have pondered. Why the violent objections, why the incessant "I told you so"s, why the doubt, why the hatred. I never could quite figure it out. Someone once told me some time ago (3 years ago), in a very brazen blog post that this relationship would not last.

That was 3 years ago.

Someone once informed me that my girlfriend was cheating on me (twice), and twice I believed. Now every little gesture seems to be deemed note-worthy. Every little move, a crime, a sin. What is true for a moment, is not necessarily the entire truth.

Perhaps it's simply better if I just shut up about it all isn't it?

This blog will shut down in approximately 3 days. By the end of this week, posts will cease to be displayed on this blog.

Derive what you want from it. Say all the "I told you so"s to the tag board I shall cease to respond to. Do what you'd like. I have no need to defend my actions from unwarranted inquisitions. I have no need to give my explanations to people who would extract a meaning so vastly contrastive for their own means.

Good day.

Downhill

2006-01-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

In this post, I had all intention to slam all the people who were spouting baseless and unfounded rumours about Sharon and her "flings in school". It was brought to my attention that her relationship(s) were all the hot topic in Temasek Polytechnic Design School. Someone also mentioned that she had another fling after Mr Hadri Yeo.

I was about to dispell all these rumours.

Now I'm just going to sit. Shut up. Act fucking stupid. Like I'm supposed to.

How would you feel? If your girlfriend waltzing in to meet you, clasped your hand tightly, only for you to realize the ring on her finger was not one you gave her?

Do you know what deja vu means?

I had an instant flashback. To those brown and black wooden rings. She said those weren't his either.

You know... I feel so fucking depressed now I can't even sit upright. I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't even cry.

Does it hurt?

Yes it does. Hurts like fuck.

My heart is shattering and all you can do is lie to me.

Do you know how it feels?

If you just told me it was his, I would have just left it at that. Moped for a couple of minutes while I remember undesirable events. Then went on with life.

I have no words to describe how disappointed I am.

I have no tears to equate to my sorrow.

I have no voice to scream my frustration.

I have nothing.

You were everything.

Now I realize I never had you.

2006-01-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

OMG...

EP means editor's pick.

AWESOME. My random picture is editor's pick!!!!

2006-01-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Sharon gave me flowers today! First time someone has EVER given me real flowers... Omg... I'm so touched... T.T

>0

Red one is Sharon's. Yellow one is mine. Any name suggestions for my new toy?

When I posted this on textamerica, everyone said "congrats on EP!" What the hell is EP...

Sharon's new haircut... Which reminds me. I wanna cut my hair like this.

SO COOL CAN.... Snip snip.

Day 1

2006-01-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

Starting my new exercise regime. 160 weight lifts on each arm twice everyday. 200 sit ups twice every day. See how it goes. I have a Day 1 photo to see whether I grow abs by the end of the month. I tried my very very best to make it look as UNobscene as humanly possible. But one can only do so much with a bared belly.

I have this PARTIAL ab this... This hard piece of unshaped rubbish there in the middle. Shall try to shape it into something less offensive.

Took one more of my arm. But it looks stupid so I shall just document my abs or lack thereof.

GV12

2006-01-05T16:14:00.000+08:00

Name HUANG YUYING

Subject	Subject Type	Class Type	Group	Day	Time	Venue
ADM432	CORE	LEC	G1	W	1430-1630	LT11
		TUT	G2	T	1600-1730	TR165
FDN112	CORE	TUT	G3	W	0900-1400	S3.1-B3-05
FDN122	CORE	TUT	G3	T	0900-1400	S3.1-B3-03
FDN132	CORE	TUT	G3	F	0900-1400	S3.1-B3-01
FDN142	CORE	TUT	G3	TH	0900-1400	S3.1-B3-15
GV12	GENERAL	LEC	G1	M	1430-1730	LT11

TOTAL AU REGISTERED 18.0

Yay... I got GV12... Actually I had a communications class... Media in America or something... but decided to drop it in favor of GV12 : Moving pictures something something. I was partly interested in taking the 2D design thingy thing... But it falls during Julian's class on Tuesday. Sigh. Besides, I didn't want to clutter up my Friday evenings... Makes my entire weekend kinda dreary. =p

Been a tad low for the past day or so... It's the time of year you sit and think about the past year and what you would like changed. Remembering the past years is not a particularly happy experience for me. I would much rather just forget it all.

My sister is leaving for Australia soon. Sigh... They're all growing up so fast. Even I am not a teenager anymore. Bah... Ah well... Soon it'll be time to decide what to major in, thus affecting my entire life's journey. With the simple click of a button.

Horrifying isn't it?

Anyway, you guys should see this gross but TASTEFULLY funny thing.

Steve, don't ea it!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Shall post pictures later... Maybe. Bah. Dunno. Got homework to do... I think I'll sit in the mrt tomorrow all alone and sketch people from Boon Lay to Pasir Ris.

She's working tomorrow...

She might not want me to pick her up... Last time I picked her, I was 10 minutes late, earning me a night of sadness, depression and tears. Not to mention wasting the 20 dollar cab ride there.

She's having chalet on Saturday too... Wei Shan's birthday... Sunday she'll probably be sleeping the entire day... Monday... We'll see if she still remembers I exist...

So how, people of Nanyang Technological University, School of Art Design & Media, Group number 3? Are we still going to Ministry of Sound? Holiday is coming up on Tuesday... Can't wait... And monday is my first GV12 class... Partly terrified I'll doze off... 3 hour lecture... Bleah...

Time to do more sketching... Need to buy new sketchbooks soon... And new pencils...

4D class today was fun... We went around photographing things with the concept of using different kinds of lens. Though it's quite basic stuff, it was still quite fun to see what people came up with. Had an interesting lunch and an interesting conversation. Funny really. Rice makes me sleepy. Random word insert. Hmm. Alright.

Meeting Ashley from SCI tomorrow to pass her the cds... Sigh... Heavy bag of doosh. Battery dying already.

Grrr...

Raining.

Need to wash car soon.

I wanna drive it around.

TheDifference

2006-01-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

Was going to blog.

Not really happy now... Yippee.

Tired.

What's the difference between dating and having a girlfriend?

I was pointed out the difference today.

A simple yes or no.

Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Why do I bother going through all that trouble when I didn't even need to wait for the yes I worked so much for. Why did I bother remaining faithful when just toying around with someone else without a yes is simply dating and not cheating.

The entire nudge today about how stupid I've been was really painful. I sat back and blinked back my tears several times throughout the night. Hurts my feelings alot. Alot alot.

Alright... Enough... I'm going to bed... Extremely enjoyable online evening. Extremely. Haha.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

lol...

I love my life. 70.5 to -98.3 %

Photos speak volumes

2006-01-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

Take 1: Grrr...

Grrr....?

Eee... Why liddat...

Yingying!!!

See see my shuai ge buying puffs.

"Thing" as told by Sara.

Spa room in S3.1 NTU... Now we know where the profs go during lunch...

Human multi storey carpark... Lol... Lovers' hangout...

Boom! That's my dinner!

Night time red...

2006-01-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

Is that someone you used to date
Why's she hanging around here, what's her story
Doesn't she know that it's too late
That the party is over and the car is for me
Why don't you tell her what's been going on
Cause she seems to be dreaming, instead of just leaving
If you don't have the heart to fill her in
Then just step aside and let me lay it on the line

Cause you're mine
And tonight, you don't revolve around her
You're mine
And this time, I'm gonna scream a little louder

Don't wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cause when I see you, something inside me burns
And then I realize, I wanna come first
I wanna come first

You look at me and I just die
It's like heaven arriving in my mind
And I can't believe all this jealousy
I used to be a girl who could let a guy breathe

But you're mine
And tonight, you revolve around me
You're mine
And this time, I'm gonna get a little louder

Don't wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cause when I see you, something inside me burns
And then I realize, I wanna come first
I wanna come first

Don't wanna be like every girl who's tried to get you
I wanna be the one who's never sorry that she met you
I wanna come first, yeah, I wanna come first

Don't wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cause when I see you, something inside me burns
And then I realize, I wanna come first
I wanna come first

Don't wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cause when I see you, something inside me burns
And then I realize, I wanna come first
I wanna come first

2Y1M0D

2006-01-02T22:25:00.000+08:00

Today marks 2 years and 1 month of being a girlfriend. To a girl who is adorable, smart, lovable, sweet... The past two years have been like a recurring dream and nightmare rolled into one psychotic mess that is my convoluted love life. The past two years have been both my best and worst years. I met the girl that grew to be the love of my life. I lost her twice to two different guys. I had my heart broken so many times. She picked me up and mended me every single one of those times. We've been so many places, done so many things. We've seen the stars late at night in the middle of an ocean. We've held each other tight and sang cheesy love songs. We've sang to each other over a webcam while being literally on the other side of the globe. We've had a long distance relationship. We've had a close proximity relationship. We've shared clothes. We've shared beds. We've shared colds and flus. We've shared food of all sort. We've been on two holidays together. We've danced. We've partied. We've played nonsensical arcade games. We've seen the sun set. We've slapped, hit, punched, cuddled, kissed, bit, chewed, nibbled each other. We know every inch of the other. We've been through ups and downs. We've been touched heaven and been through hell.

We've arrived here.

In this place.

2006.

This is the fourth year really... 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006. Fourth year. Though counting months, we've only been together for a little more than 2 of those.

My feelings are still as strong as ever. But I'm afraid.

I'm more afraid now than I ever was when we first started. I'm more afraid now than I was when I was faced with uncertainty, leaving to Canada, my parents finding out, the shrink, university choices.

I'm terrified.

Would this year be yet another repeat? Will she leave again... Will my heart break again...

I'm not taking that chance.

I'm giving her as much freedom as she wants. I won't ask. I won't hope. I won't try to find out anything. Perhaps this time, if she does see someone new, it won't hurt so much. Perhaps I would find the strength to let go. Perhaps I will find the real strength in me, not to fight the new bastard, but to close my eyes, stop the tears, and walk away.

Perhaps.

It hurts just thinking about it.

I dread August.

Always August.

I hate August.

August means pain, hurt, tears, blood. Not this time.

This anniversary was weird. We didn't have a dinner. We watched Wallace and Gromit... Cute show... I liked the rabbits... Wheee! Lol... Bought a new shirt today... And bought Sharon a new pair of pants... nice pants... Bloody expensive though... Shall refrain from eating lunch for a while... Prolly pack sandwiches to school...

Dear, if you're reading this, I kinda like anniversary presents... once in a while is fine too...

Sigh... Shall stop here and blog elsewhere... Feel kinda sad now...

More pictures

2006-01-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

Discovered more photos in my phone...

A photo of yuan taking a photo of a prawn on the floor... =.=

What is the world coming to... Cumming Seeds...

Dear secretly took this while I was napping on her shoulder.

Photos of 05/06

2006-01-01T13:36:00.000+08:00

Yet another photo post. In chronological order.

Yuan after the hair cut...

Stare stare stare...

Pomelo hogger caught red handed.

Sara's house and night time snacks...

Shattered glass at the bus stop...

So dangerous siaz....

Wah piang... It's been there for quite long already... Wonder if anyone is going to clean it up...

My new converse shoes...

Xiao wants us to dip all that in our ice cream... =.=

Left to right. MunMun (sitting), MingMing (standing), PingPing (sitting), Xiaoxiao (standing), Liangliang (sitting).... =.= Alternating... Notice how all the family friends have double syllable names...

Xiao and mahjong...

Synchronized ice cream chowing...

Liang Liang's winnings... SIAO ARH...

2006

2006-01-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

Happy new year to all...

I've been recently notified that my blog has many visitors, some of whom I don't even know personally. So happy new year to you as well.

My new year's eve? Not so happy.

Spent it nursing my PSP while falling asleep on a couch, listening to the clatter of mahjong tiles next to my ear.

Lousy. Boring. Tired.

Not the new year's eve I had in mind.

Was kind of looking forward to being able to go clubbing or something. Sara invited us to go to MOS with her around ten plus and offered to let us in through the VIP queue.

Bah. Fuck it.

Yay. New year.

Not much difference. This year I'm 20. Yay. Maybe I can get treated like I'm 10 years old this year, rather than 9.

Pissed off about something. Not sure if I was supposed to find out about it. But I did. And now I'm pissed off. Well... Pissed off is rather mild. I'm Fucking Angry. With the caps, like it is now an official state of mind that comes ever so often.

School starts on Tuesday. Honestly not looking forward to it. Grr.

Went out with dear today... She bought me a new shirt from Billabong... Quite nice... Shall wear it one day to school or something... Gone are the polo shirts... Here come the really guyish button down tops. =.=

We watched a Chinese Tall Story... Funny show... But full of shit... Buddha has bling bling... Don't watch the show... =.= Wei Liang (aka, Liang Liang) was showing us his homemade video of him, his bed, and a hot cross bun named princess. Damn sick.

Shall post the pictures tomorrow... Not really in the mood to today... Really very angry... Whoop de doo... What a great way to start the new year...

Haha... Yeah... What has the dumb butch read now, isn't it? Don't have to say it. I already have.

NYR

2005-12-31T11:19:00.000+08:00

Yep... It's that time of the year again... Time for new year resolutions. I can't really remember what I said last year... I think it was something along the lines of not getting hurt anymore, getting into university... 50% done. Now for 2006.

This year... My resolution is to be strong. To have the strength to be stern. To be sure. To be resolved. Don't crumble. Don't give in.

Sigh...

Shall I blog about yesterday? Might as well... Went to bring Yuan to cut hair at Chapter two... After that we went to meet Sara at PS tp play ALOT of drums... Grr... Alot alot alot of drums... RRAAAAWWWRRRR... Nothing coherent here.

After that, we went to Bugis to buy shirts... Meep meep... Didn't really get to buy the shirt... The lady at the manicure place was waving to me... Lol... Don't know if that's a good sign or not. Sharon joined us after her filming thingy and we went to eat at that Thai place... Lol... Spicy! Ate quite alot though. We took a bus down to Sara's house after that where we tinkered with her guitar alot. Sharon tickled me like crazy and found out I have abs... =.= Undiscovered 6 pack... Lol... Shall start going to gym... Sang songs while holding dear in my arms... Whee...

I wanna go clubbing todayyyy... But dear can't... Sigh...

Going out later...

Down Coco.

YouDon't.

2005-12-30T09:59:00.000+08:00

You don't notice... When I'm crying alone. When my heart breaks. When I take down my testimonials. When I sacrifice.

You don't hear... When I beg you to stop breaking my heart. When I ask you to promise. When I pray things can be simple again.

You don't think... That I'm enough for you. That I'm giving enough to you. That I've been through enough pain and tears for two lifetimes and more.

You don't.

But I still do.

I'm getting tired. Of the endless stream of rumours. Of the tireless speak of things that now become my nightmares.

I'm just human.

I'm just me.

I don't have a six pack. I don't speak malay. I don't wakeboard. I don't have piercings all over. I don't have tattoos. I don't do kung fu. I don't look nice in thick white specs. I don't wear red and black all the time. I don't study in poly. I don't have heaps of muscles. I don't go to the gym. I don't wear pink.

I don't I don't I don't.

I don't do plenty of things. I wonder if those matter. Cause the only ones that matter are these...

I don't lie. I don't cheat. I don't get stingy when it comes to you. I don't stop giving. I don't stop waiting. I don't love you any less. I don't make empty promises. I don't eat or drink when I'm running out of cash so I can still support you. I don't buy myself new things so I can buy you new things.

I'm just this. A sad. Lonely. Weak. Uncool. Chinese. Girl.

Perhaps one day you can love me for who I am. All I am. Just as I am.

Perhaps.

After 2 years I'm still saying perhaps.

Perhaps...

Raiden!

2005-12-29T19:07:00.000+08:00

Raiden!

2 Days Worth

2005-12-29T18:28:00.000+08:00

Here are two days worth of pictures...

Grin grin grin... Heehee...

Dear ignoring me to play PSP... ><

Lights all around...

The birthday girl and I...

Cake from Sweet Secrets!!!

Crazy candles...

Cake cutting session...

Our cable car number 31!!!

View from above.

What did you say???

Lol... The adorable pout...

Dear stole my tie!!!

-muacks- on the way to Zouk...

Bleah

2005-12-29T01:56:00.000+08:00

I just got home... its almost 2am... LOL...

Today was my baby's birthday... I ran all over singapore in the morning... First I went to orchard to find her cake. Seeing no sweet secrets there, i called the operator who said there was one in Great World City... Took a train down to Harborfront to buy cable car tickets... Long queue arh!!! Anyway, after getting the round trip tickets, I went to cab down to Great World City and bought the cake before cabbing back to suntec to drop off the cake at Marche...

After that, went to converse to buy darling a pair of black shoes... Lol... Went to pick her up and we took a bus down to Suntec Marche to meet Deon and Wendy. They're really quiet... but it was fun anyway... Anyhow stick the candles... Took us really long to light them tho... Prolly cause of the air con... =p Sang birthday song and all... =) My dear is 18!!!

Anyway, after lunch, we went to sit cable car... So romantic de... =) Tho we were trying to figure out how to get out in case of an emergency... =p Stopped at Mount Faber... Met this lady and this little girl dear said was damn cute... Lol...

From there, we took a cab to Bugis where she got her nails done the same color as her hair... =p Then took a cab down to her company dinner near Funan while I went to PS to play for a while... Weirdos hogging the machine... REALLY lousy guy... Oh well... Nice drumsticks though... I recently changed drumsticks... Damn fast now... Siao wan...

Went back to pick dear up before going to meet Phoebe at Zouk... Omg... So fun... Other than the shoving around... We drank two jugs of drink before heading to the dance floor... My dear is so damn hot when she's dancing... Sigh... =p Today was ladies night so we all got in for free... =p Wheee... Anyway, dear wasn't feeling well after a while though her dancing made me completely horny... So I sent her back... While she was in the toilet, and I was waiting outside the cubicle for her, this Korean girl started flirting with me and playing with my tie... Omg... Drunk girls...

Clubbing was fun anyway... Reminder to drunk less next time... And dance more... Cos my girlfriend is so DAMN HOT... ARGH...

Sent her home after that and took a cab back... Lol... Ah well... Tomorrow have meeting... Better sleep now... Though I probably won't wake up tomorrow... =p

Happy birthday...

2005-12-28T09:36:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARON NG LI HUI!!!!!!!!!!

=)

Today is my baby's birthday... Shall be out to buy chocos, flowers and secret presents later... =) So early in the morning... Sighhhhh... My eyes are closing... Blogging cause I've been alerted that I don't blog much now... So I'm blogging.

Oh yah... I went out with dear yesterday. Met Ellen's Grandma... Omg... She thinks I go for facials... =.= Something about me having nice complexion... Then her mom said I look like a boy she knew from army... T.T

Anyway... Went to meet my baby... Lol.. she's wearing my shirt again... Somehow I can't remember what happened but we ended up at PS... >< We went to register her starhub card under my name... Then went for lunch at Cafe Cartel... =3 Yummy... After that we went to buy tickets for... KING KONG!!! Lol... Anyway, we went to play a few rounds of V2... ARGH... Glide extreme is a pain... Literally... The notes are so bloody close to each other my hand nearly fell off... T.T Need practice...

The show was awesome... Wheeeee... After the really long show, which she wasn't very happy with the ending about, we went to buy her clothes for her birthday!!! New skirt and new top... =) My pretty girlfriend... Anyway, after the shopping, we went to play one more round then took a cab home... =)

ARGGHHH!!!! Look at the time!!! Got to run liao... Baiiiiiii!!!!!!

-Happy Birthday, Darling... *muacks*-

Lessons and Presents

2005-12-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

Merry Xmas morning to all.. though its more or less nearing 1pm...

Opened presents in the morning... Shoes! Yay... Nice shoes... To go with my new jeans... Sigh... This Christmas seems so quiet... She's going to Sentosa with her family as a birthday celebration...

Yesterday... Shall blog now bah... Went out with Sara in the morning for some last minute shopping at Orchard. Had some nice tea and all... Bought a mug for my dear with lil hearts on it... Sigh... Should have bought the pillows... Meh... Anyway, we walked over to far east to buy more presents... Bought presents for Ellen, YY and Sara from NTU... Morbid lil things... Oh well... The gifts, i mean. Took a cab down to pick Sharon up before going to eat Mee Pok near her house. We then took another cab down to Far East where dear did her nails while sara and i walked around. Bought new jeans... Finally...

Went back to collect dear then headed to PS by bus where we played alot of drums. Gouged out a bit of my finger with my broken drumsticks... Pain! But dear cleaned the wound for me and gave it a kiss to make it better. =3 Oh well... Bled quite a bit... The V2 machine is fun but... Officially not worth 2 dollars. Argh... Shall settle with the V machine now...

Tried to have dinner at Cafe Cartel... But it was overcrowded... Tried Fish & Co... But they had that stupid holiday dinner thing again... Same reason why we didn't eat there last year... Ended up going to taka where we had Korean BBQ!!! Wah... So yummy... We all cooked and Sara had this really spicy soup... ARGH!!! T.T Meepies...

After dinner, we went to buy some dessert back. Hahaha... We got two pomelos... Pomelo Anderson!!! Dear's was smaller... She got a grapefruit... Lol... We got ice cream too... And balanced it between her pomelos... HAHAAHAHAH... okok... all wrong. Anyway, we took a cab to Sara's house and all. When we got there, I played some guitar and dear loaded Rakion to play. Sara and I entertained ourselves with chess... Lol... Total ownage... hahahahahhaa... Anyway, picked up dear's phone when it fell on the floor. And Lo and Behold... Who was it but? That's right. Him again. Everytime I hold her phone, he's calling or messaging her. Starting to get a tad irritating to put it lightly...

I got the photos up! Photos!

My baby, the guitar freak in the closet...

Sara's log cake...

Example of how rubbery cheeks should be...

Wait wait wait... Wait also so happy...

Sara stole my glasses!

Sara's Tom Yum Soup... BOWL OF DOOM!!!

My baby the chef...

What does the hand sign have to do with the water....

Aiyohhhhh...

See lah... Shabby clothes!

I dance for you to see... Why won't you go clubbing with me? I'm such a good dancer!

My baby playing Rakion... And ignoring us all... Still so happy??!!

My Xmas List

2005-12-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

Xmas is here... Shall post my Xmas list now....

- money
- my dear (yes dear, with the big ribbon)
- my pay

Blog

2005-12-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas to all...

I had an eventful Christmas eve. However, due to some things I should not have seen, and a phone that fell into my palm at the wrong time (again), I have once again lost my mood for blogging and shall blog about my Christmas Eve later after Christmas.

I wish you all a merry Christmas, and hope it's going better than mine.

Cheers.

The sweetest thing

2005-12-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

I officially have the sweetest girlfriend in the world.

Went out to find her at Bedok today during her lunch. We walked around a bit before deciding to go eat Jap food at this weird sumo place. The food was... Bad. Okay lah. The soup was nice. But the noodles that came with it was quite bad. Oh well. After that, we went to the arcade which was tacky for a while. We didn't play anything but walked around. Then we went to the library to get some pamphlets to wrap her present for the christmas fundamentals thingy. She bought a Banana shower gel thing... And got a rasberry one for me cos she wanted me to smell of rasberries... =3 So cute...

Anyway, we were about to send her to school before she found out about some submission. We then ended up taking an MC... LOL... her cough was more or less gone. The doctor was damn funny and assumed she didn't go to school. haha... Oh well... She sent me to Bugis in a bus to let me nap on her shoulder... =) So nice de... Lots of hugs and kisses along the way... And she kept snapping photos of me snoozing... =p I swapped phones with her for a day so she could do her project... Sigh...

We got to Bugis and I went to send her off in a cab... He called her... Haix... Oh well... Got alot of kisses for compensation... I was holding the phone when he called... Bleah... She got into her cab and I went off to inquire about the guitars... 500 dollars... Grrr... Plus amp and all lah... Guess its okay... Sigh... Expensive...

Went to take a train down to Orchard cause the buses were all stuffed. Thought I saw Abel. Not a clue though. Plenty of people looks like Abel (or Abel looks like plenty of people. Whichever). Coincidentally, this was playing on my iPod.

I don't give a damn about you,
No nothing can change my mind, no way,
I'm happy just to let you walk away,
Don't think about you at night,
I'm happy to be alone, its ok,
But that was yesterday and now im,

{bridge}
Driving in my car,
Words dont get me far,
When they dont mean sh*t....arrrhhhhhhh

{chorus}
I'm calling you at 3am, and im
Standing here right outside your door,
And i dont think that my heart can take much more,
I'm scared of cracking up again,
I just, want it to be like it was before,
Coz i don't think that my heart can take much more

I don't give a damn about what you do,
I'm going to get with you,
Again,
And thats the way this night is gonna end,
You say that you need some time,
How long does it take to see, that we,
Are more than meant to be, and now your

{bridge}
Driving in your car,
But you wont get far
Coz ur car is sh*t...arhhhh

{chorus}
I'm calling you at 3am, and im
Standing here right outside your door
And i dont think that my heart can take much more,
I'm scared of cracking up again,
I just, want it to be like it was before,
Coz i dont think that my heart can take much more

Can take much more x4

{bridge}
Driving in my car,
Words dont get me far,
When they dont mean sh*t...arhhh

{chorus}
I'm calling you at 3am, and im
Standing here right outside your door
And i dont think that my heart can take much more,
I'm scared of cracking up again,
I just, want it to be like it was before,
Coz i dont think that my heart can take much more

Haha... Oh well... Anyway, walked over to Taka to buy presents and all before taking 174e back home... trusty ole iPod keeping me company all the way... I'm getting used to hanging out alone... Not sure if that's a good thing... Ah well... She's at her christmas party now... Missing her already... She said she wanted tomorrow to be a nice romantic day/dinner... Shall plan something nice... =)

Sigh... It's almost been one year... Since I made a decision I was so sure was right. A decision I was sure would not hurt me. A decision was felt would make me happy.

Since then my heart has broken so badly I have lost all hope of returning to the way I used to be. I have lost so much faith in the concept of love. I have hurt so much I can't tell when I'm crying. One year. What will next year hold for us? One more time is all it'll take. I hope that time does not come.

Missing you

2005-12-22T14:23:00.000+08:00

I miss this girl...

The girl whose smile can make the world slow down.

The girl who's as sweet as the ice cream she shares with me.

The girl who is in clear view even when it's pitch dark.

Grrr

2005-12-22T14:07:00.000+08:00

Headache... Stupid programme... Pissing me the fuck off... I already said I wanted to go out today. Is that so difficult to comprehend? Fuck lah.

Feel like dozing off... Cough is getting quite bad... Oh well...

Tired...

Shall be leaving soon already...

NdrCnstrktn

2005-12-22T11:28:00.000+08:00

Urgh...

Trying to make a new blogskin... Not too happy with it so far tho... Shall get it up by January. This skin is just a trial thingy that's going to sit here in the mean time. It'll prolly evolve as I go along, so you can see how it evolves. Odd.

Stupid font screwing with my computer... Shall reboot later...

Deadline today! But I wanna go out... -whine whine whine- Haven't bought all the xmas prezzies yet... =p But I know what to buy for everyone. Excellent stuff. Oh well...

2005-12-21T20:57:00.000+08:00

We had meeting today. Can you tell?

Grrr... Went for meeting to meet up about my work as well. It's almost done. Stress and crunch time. Sigh. Had alot of tea today. Quite nice. I feel a bit better after a mug of hot tea. Making a new blogskin too. Sigh.

WARNING: LONG POST

2005-12-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

Phew. This is going to be a long post.

Today was supposed to be a short day. Send dear to school, go home, work, sleep. Ended up sending dear to Bedok. She slept on me all the way there and when we finally reached there, she decided she was still tired and wanted another bus ride. So we took 33 back to Bras Brasah before realizing the escalator was broken. So we went to the library to use the toilet and went to Bugis for lunch. =3 Yummy foodies! We then walked back to Bras Brasah, noticing the still-spoilt escalator and deciding to take the elevator instead. We bought a light box similar to the ones we have in NTU... Awesome stuff... 158 dollars though... Sigh... We then wanted to send her back home but didn't want the day to end so quick, so we took 133, supposedly one round back to her house. But we overshot and both fell asleep. Sleeping on her shoulder was so nice and comfy... =) We ended up in Ang Mo Kio... =.= After taking milk tea at Mos Burger (Lol... Been ages since I've been there...) we took a cab back to her house to drop off the light box and cabbed back to Far East for her to get her hair dyed. Lo and behold... She found money in the toilet! More than a hundred dollars... Piangz... She said she would buy me a shirt... =.= Ended up spending all of it (and most of our time) at the salon, dying her hair blue. She did buy me a white lil voodoo thingy that was exactly like her black thingy, just white. =.= (see photos.) After that, we went for dinner at Wheelock's Big O... Yummy stuff... She fed me lots of fish... =3 She then sent me home... =) So sweet de...

Now on to the photos...

Dear and the kitty...

Kitty kitty kitty...

Sleepy pose 1...

Sleepy pose 2...

Say no to porn!

Anime hair!

Boo! Pontianaks and gleaming bags.

Stare... Next up for the superman ride...

Sara and her baked beans... =.=

The birthday girl...

Oversized chair...

Cuddles in the rain...

Lol... 蛇吻...

This is my shuai ge...

Our hotel...

I won't ever let you go.

My shuai ge reading my book...

Go karts!

Nerdy baby with my specs...

New blue hair!!! So cool...

Dear bought me chocolates!

Dear's black ninja thingy... Mine ish white... =3

To Genting and Back Again

2005-12-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

Back from Genting! Wahahahha... So fun... Too bad it was way too short... Sigh...

We left Singapore bright and early at 630am from Queen's Street Bus Depot. Sara and Sharon appeared really early... =.= Ah well. The bus we were supposed to get on was late so we had to take some other bus to the Malaysian checkpoint to rendevous with our bus. =.= Sheesh. Anyway, the bus ride to Genting was really long... We took a really long time to get there. Really long implying 7 hours on the road. We made a few pit stops. One of them being this place with an actual store selling pirated dvds... =p They even have King Kong and Narnia... =.= wth...

Anyway, Sara and I ate baked beans on the bus... Omg... So gassy... Ew... Dear slept all the way up... So cute... When we got to the hotel, it was mid afternoon. Sara forgot her bag on the bus and we ran all the way from the check in to the bus to catch it just before it left. Lucky! Anyway, Lu's friend's parents were taking my room on the first night so I slept in dear's and sara's room. After checking in, we went for lunch at the shopping centre/theme park connected to the hotel. Prawn mee! After that, we went to the Haunted Adventure thing and Ripley's Museum. So funny. The monkey kept poking me and Sharon kept poking it back for me. Lol... I walked behind my dad. So funny. He kept going "Coffin arh... Going to open arh... There arh..." Lol... Spoiler. My mom was hitting one of the staff dressed as a skeleton yelling "Aiyah! Let go lah!" LOL... My parents... Dear kept hugging me so tightly and screaming odd obscenities in my ear... =.= Lol... Cute anyway. The museum was fun. Plenty of things to see, including this fertility statue which made a hundred odd people pregnant. So funny. After the museum, we went to walk around a bit before buying food back to the room to eat and celebrate Lu's birthday. Baby took her medicine and fell asleep early. Poor baby... I kept going back to the room to check on her and tuck her in. Sigh. Anyway, we sang the birthday song and made lu blow out candles made from straws and a spoon. Sara put chili sauce on it... So gross. Lol... Went back to the room to sleep with dear after that...

On the second day, we went to the theme park. We bought an all park pass and went, first of all, to the 4D motion machine. =.= Very lame. But my baby felt sick after it. Sigh. After that, we went out to the outdoor theme park where Dear, Lu, Hua and Yuan took the flying roller coaster. It's really scary so Sara and i sat it out. =p Oh yah... We took the antique car ride before that. Dear was driving and got the accelerator stuck. o.o The place was too foggy and we had to go back to the room after a KFC lunch for a bit. We played lots more rides and all before heading back to change. ARGH... my baby's so pretty... Sigh... We had dinner at the Chinese restaurant in the shopping mall. Yummy stuff! So much food... And odd broken mango pudding hearts... We went to change after that and went for foot reflexology. So comfy. I fell asleep. =p Went to take the indoor roller coaster twice after that. Dear wrote and carved our names on the coaster. So funny. =p We went to watch a 1.15am show of Narnia... Lol... Won't spoil it for you guys... =p

That night, I slept in my own room, though I wanted to go sleep with dear. Sigh. This morning! Went to wake my baby up. She was so sleepy and cute and huggled me to sleep like a bolster. So nice de... When we finally decided to go, we went to Mac's for breakfast and went shopping! =) Bought presents for dear's friends (Jacky, Siyuan, Eunice) and her sisters and her mommy. =) dear piggy backed meeeee... Up the stairs somemore. So sweet. =) We went to the room to pack after that and I napped on dear's bed for a bit. We then went to Kenny Roger's with my family for lunch. Dear and Sara bought me a present... =) Soooo nice. The bus ride back was long and tedious... Sigh... The trip was so short... >< Wish it was longer. Held dear's hand for as long as possible on the way back. Haix... Back to the world I hate so much now... The holiday was like a reprive from it all...

Reminisce

2005-12-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

Sigh... Things long past, long gone. It's the little things that make you remember. Miss those days. I still knew how to smile. Things cannot go back to the way they were anymore. Life is like a never ending highway, with us speeding towards our demise at the end of the road. When you've passed one exit, you can't go back to it again. (Aside from it being illegal to stop and do a 3 point turn on a highway) Perhaps it was meant to be this way. The pain, the hurt, the sadness. Perhaps it has a purpose. Perhaps.

Anyway, I assume I'll be looking at this when I wake up tomorrow morning. So I'm going to post a list of things I have forgotten to pack and should do so before I leave tomorrow.

- toothbrush
- camera
- iPod
- pants (what the...)
- tissue box
- tissue papers
- snacks
- playing cards
- slippers

I'm leaving for Genting tomorrow! Will be back on Monday night... =3 anything urgent please drop me an email in my gmail account. thank you!

Genting.

2005-12-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

Genting trip is 18 hours away... Sara wants to bring baked beans... =.= ah well... I don't know what to say lah... I feel this inevitable sense of disappointment. I feel like I've been let down very badly... I feel...

Sad doesn't quite cut it anymore.

sorrowful, dejected, depressed, downcast, miserable, down, despondent, despairing, disconsolate, desolate, wretched, glum, gloomy, doleful, dismal, melancholy, mournful, woebegone, forlorn, crestfallen, heartbroken, inconsolable.

Sigh... What are you trying to tell me? These mixed signals, these tragic letdowns, these countless heartbreaks.

Letting out the noise inside of me
Every window pane is shattering
Cutting off my words before I speak
This is how it feels to not believe

Way away, away from here I'll be
Way away, away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

I would give you the world. Just for a fraction of your heart. I thought I had that tiny bit of your affection. But perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I never had you. Perhaps I am that third party I loathe with such wretched abhorration. Perhaps.

Perhaps I'll never be enough for you.

Your silence screams so loud in my ears, the words that fill up the spaces between your sentences blind me with dizzying confusion. I'm scarred both physically and emotionally. A rift has torn its way down the centre of my heart. All I ever feel now is pain. And that too is fading.

Soon I'll feel nothing at all.

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go.
You built me up and you broke me down, somehow
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that its too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you, if you would wait for me
And i will Wait for you, if you will wait for me

Intoxicated, the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred. I long for your love ever more
You built me up and you broke me down this time

I hate the driver of the red volvo.

2005-12-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

YOU FUCKING UNFEELING INSENSITIVE BASTARD. YOU ALONE COST ME 16 FUCKING POINTS. SLOW DOWN, SPEED UP, SLOW DOWN, SPEED UP. YOU WERE DRIVING PERFECTLY FINE BEFORE I SIGNALLED TO CHANGE LANE YOU BASTARD. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU GET HERPES YOU FUCK FACE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. I'M ON TEST LAH. FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU. CAN'T YOU SEE MY FUCKING TEST PLATE? BLIND BASTARD. STARE AT ME SOMEMORE. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. GO GET YOUR EYES GOUGED OUT AND SCREWED BACK ON CAUSE ALL YOU SEE NOW IS THE BACK OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD. YOU SHIT HEAD. WHAT THE FUCK LAH. I DIDN'T GET ANY FUCKING DEMERIT POINTS CEPT WHEN YOU DECIDE TO DANCE WITH MY CAR ON THE FUCKING ROAD. WHAT THE HELL IS YOU PROBLEM YOU SHITFACE. GO AND DIE LAH. I HATE SINGAPOREAN DRIVERS LIKE YOU. BUNCH OF FUCKTARDS. YOU AND THAT FUCKING BUS DRIVER CAN GO DROP DEAD. 300 DOLLARS WASTED SO YOU CAN PLAY OUT YOUR SICK GAME. GO FUCK YOURSELF LAH YOU IDIOT. HOPE YOUR CAR TYRES ALL PUNCTURED NEXT TIME IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. UNFEELING ASSHOLE.

Hate you.

Picture perfect

2005-12-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

The long awaited picture post.

No, baby... Cameras are not edible...

Yuan and I got bored of Jenga...

The state of my sketchbook now...

More creatures... Noooo!!! What's that on the right page????!!! (aside from the monkey)

The pot full of milk...

Baby's favorite...

Yellow doom... -shudder-

Lonely day...

2005-12-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

Another lonely day...

Had lunch with dear before she went to meet Fadhli... Why always that guy... Haix... She said to pick her up when she was done... So I sat for 5 hours alone in a bus stop. Waiting. Haix. Ended up going home alone when she said she was just joking... Hungry... Lonely... Sad...

One more time. One more time, is all it's going to take for me to break. To lose it completely. To break down. One more time.

Wish there wouldn't be a number 4...

1... 2... 3...

Haix... How much can one person go through in a lifetime. I feel so... Sad. There's nothing left in this body but sadness. I cry all the time. I almost can't hide it anymore. I bury my face in her shoulder so she won't see me cry.

I'm tired.

Fucking noisy radio... Pissing me off...

Exhausted.

1... 2... 3... 4...

ARGH.

Today.

2005-12-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

Today was fucked up.

Supposed to be a great day. Fucking phone fucking jammed. And it all fell apart because of the fucking phone. FUCK YOU M1. Bunch of fuckers. Thank you lah. Spoil my whole fucking day. Whole fucking week. Whole fucking holiday. FUCK YOU.

Supposed to meet Sharon and bring the kids out for chocolate today. This is what we did instead.

We went to take a bus from home down to Marina Square. We were supposed to be early. But were late. I really really really hate fate sometimes. Fucking cruel bastard. Ended up strolling around before going to eat at Cafe Cartel. Filled up a form for fun and kept it in my sketchbook. Wanted to buy a shirt. Lu kept saying she wanted this pair of jeans so decided to buy it for her. Of all places, that bloody place didn't have a fucking Visa machine. So ditched the shirt I wanted to buy and bought her jeans instead. WTF lah. Get a decent visa machine can or not? You're in a fucking shopping centre lor. Not a fucking pasar malam. Wtf is your fucking problem lah. How much do I have left to fucking eat now? Fuck you lah. Bunch of fuckers.

Fuck lah. More to add to my fucking bad day.

Another movie to watch alone.

What else... Oh yah. Went to eat chocolate. Interesting. They had suckao and kept asking for milk till the lady just filled a tea pot full of milk for them. It was funny. But I've forgotten how to laugh.

Faced such disappointment today I had to throw my head back to blink back the tears. Fucking disappointed. Fucking sad. Fucking depressed. Fucking bad day. I thought today was going to be a great day. HAHAHAHA... Fuck that.

Shower time...

2005-12-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

o.o...

Omg that was a weird dream... But it felt so real... I felt the hot water running through my hair, the soft touch, the unforgiving cold of the floor.

I even feel clean now.

This is weird. Are these kind of dreams normal? I have no idea. Been ages since I had one. Meh. I'm prolly just too horny. Bah...

What to do today? I think I'll go draw. Do something productive. Then go grab chocolate laters. It'll be awesome... It's the start of a brand new lease on life. Or at least I'm attempting to. All the hatred I had been welling up inside me just disappeared. Poof! In a magical cloud of absolution.

Though with this I couldn't help but remember. I don't know if I even should be thinking back about such things. I don't know. I miss it, kind of. The smiles, the warmth, the surprises. Where would I be now should I have made a different decision to stay? I would probably be in Canada, strangely... Doing something I don't want to do... I'm better at it, but I hate it now. Perhaps even this hate is fuelled by my fear of going overseas and losing everything. I don't want to lose everything. Not again. I already have twice. Hurts like hell.

Kids, don't ever let yourself lose what is most important to you.

Listening to the odd cantonese pop Sharon sent me.

Come to think of it, I really did have fun yesterday. Though the kids fought and went all tired and crabby at the end of it. Ah well... Kids will be kids. The Bloody Mary was really a wake up juice. Lots of pepper and chili in it... o.o Sharon and I (the one and half people of legal age. You're still underaged arh!!! Lol... jkjk) concurred that the drink should have come in a smaller cup, like those for magaritas, and have less tomato juice and more alcohol. The alcohol really burns though. GARH!!! Oh well. We wanted to try one called Screaming Multiple Orgasms. LOL... I like the name. But it's expensive like hell!!! 20 dollars per person can? WAH PIANG. More expensive than our entire dinner lor... Shit...

I wanna drive my lil Zoom Zoom... But she's stuck behind my daddy's BMW... ARGH!!! Poor lil Mehmeh (yes... that's her name... =.=) is stuck... Should wash her for fun today... Been raining alot these past few days.

...........

-bit removed-

Yuan, go kill the crab.

2005-12-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

Today was tiring...

Went out with Sharon to buy sketchbook and new drawing pens... >< Meh... Been drawing alot... Hmm... After that, we went to eat at KFC before joining my siblings for dinner at Marina South steamboat thingy. The place was odd... Anyway, we wanted Yuan to kill a crab but today didn't have any crabs... We got live prawns anyway. Half live. They twitched and died before we even cooked them. Sigh. Ate alot of chicken and changed the aluminium foil ALOT... One even caught fire... Lol... I think the guy was angry at us...

After dumping nearly everything in the soup and drinking lots of it, we made our way down to Heeren's Balcony to have some drinks. Hua didn't know what she wanted so I ordered a Bloody Mary for her and a Lychee margarita for myself. Lu had a Blue Hawaii and Sharon had a Vodka martini/margarita... Somehow I can't quite remember. Anyway, hers was nice. Mine was nice. Lu's had no kick. But the bloody mary was... Spicy. Tomato juice. You can't taste the alcohol... But I was quite gone for a while a bit after that. the waitress got scolded by the manager for serving us drinks when half of us plainly looked underaged. Oh yah. Yuan got a smoothie. Lol. And this weird ham and cheese thing I almost swear is blue cheese. Gross shit. I shared a mango and salmon salad with Sharon. She ate the salmon and mango... LOL... Damn nice lor... ANyway, we staggered to Paragon taxi stand and I sent her home from there in a separate cab...

Yep... that was my evening... Tomorrow might be going to have chocolate fondue... =p

Breathe.

2005-12-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

Okay lah... Pissed off to some insane extent. Breathe... Practise restraint... Spent the day alone cause she was with her family... Quite exhausted really... Went to buy a sledgehammer... Draggedhttp://www.randomfandom.com/images/cling-tooru-smile.jpg it all the way home... Broke a tree... Shouldn't have done that... Drummed a lot today. This guy asked if I could give his son drum tuition... =.= Ah well... Very hungry now... On the bus ride home I sat next to this tiny lil baby girl. Sketched cute lil animals in my book for her to see and she kept gurgling happily before finally falling asleep when I ran out of ink. =.= She slept with a face like this...

Kinda... Lol... So cute... Ah well... Okay... Decided that from this post on, I shall refrain from blogging about the fucktard... It's stressing me out how immaturely retarded he can be. Sigh. Tired already... Shall stop here and blog later.

Return of the interns

2005-12-09T22:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Today I followed Sharon back to Hamlin again to hand in the SIP forms... Lost my pen case there I think when I took it out to lend her a pen... Haix... 50 dollars down the chute... Plus the Pentone Markers... ARGH... T.T Anyway, chatted to Rina's client for a while about NTU and Uni interns... =.= 6 months?! Garh!

Anyway, we took a cab to Junction 8... The uncle was very funny... =p We had lunch at Sakae Sushi... Her favorite salmon... LOL... Ate till bursting point... Bought egg tarts for her mom too... Paid in coins... So farnie...

Anyway, we took a train ride to Bedok... She was sleeping on my shoulder so I had to sit a tad lower... Back pain!!! Meep! Anyway, cabbed her from Bedok to... Bedok. =.= Made me circle around... Bish... But got lots of kisses in return... Lol... Sucker for kisses...

Sigh...

After that was the long ride home... Bored outta my mind... Going for driving tomorrow before going out to catch a movie... I wanna go Resfest... Meepies... Sunday going steamboat with Sharon... STEAMBOAT ARH!!!!

Sigh... My parents not home till Monday night... Doesn't feel any different... Gonna have problems trying to get people to go to bed and home and time and stuff though... Sheesh... Feel the pain...

Bought alot of snacks today... Yummy stuff! I have a concept up for my portfolio design... A tad more colorful than what I normally do... But I like it anyway. Going to get my own domain to put it up on (yes... One for you too... =p) Any name suggestions? Tag my board for suggestions!

Meeps... Tired... Determined to wait tonight... Yesh... I shall wait...

HAHAHAHA

2005-12-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Oh well... Enough about that. Today! Today I got up bright and early in the morning to meet Sharon for her internship interview... Lol... Pretty girl... She refused to let me tie her tie for her though and was struggling with it till she gave up and fell asleep on my lap on the cab ride to the ulu reaches of Jalan Pemimpin. We were half an hour early and spent some time lolling around the sign post and jiggling it around till she noticed there was food inside! So we went in and went for teh peng and kaya toast. I think the teh peng was crappy... Made us both have stomach aches... @.@

Anyway, the office is in an industrial building... Creepy looking place... Meep... But the office itself reminds me of my house... All wood furnishings... Lol... They even have the same cupboard... Anyway, she went in for the interview. Hope they liked the portfolio. I'm quite proud of the layout... And the odd graphic thing in the centre... =p Oi!!!! You steal my things to put on your portfolio!!!! I protest!!! -protests promptly die down- ah well... It's the thought of protesting that counts. Ah well.. I've got other designs as well... no worries...

Rina was really nice... We chatted for like 20 seconds... She kept telling Sharon she was still young... =.= Wth... Anyway, she said I could come down and visit and kaypoh anytime when Sharon was working... LOL... Hint taken... Bwahahahaha... I was thinking about showing siew lian yiyi my portfolio layout soon and ask her opinion about it... I wanted to do a compass like menu panel... But I've got too many sections... 6 I think... Ah well..

Anyway, after that, we went back to her house and I sat around waiting for her to get changed to go to school. In the mean time, I worked on the main image for my portfolio... After that, we took a nice long bus ride to Bedok and went to the polyclinic to get an mc... Remember to take your medicine... After that, we went to Pizza Hut to eat lunch... YOU KOPE ALL THE CHICKEN!!!! Lol... Ah well... Chicken hoarder...

After that, we ran around a bit... Don't tickle meeeee!!!! Lol... Anyway, went to top up her card then left back to home. Did a whole lot of the design on the train till my batteries couldn't hold up. Which was about the time I got home anyway. When I got home, Coco had to go to the vet. Poor girl. Drove her down to the vet at JJK where she ran around chasing this odd pommeranian who came in with this guy I could almost swear was gay. Anyway, his dog is really cute when it sticks out its tounge. It's literally like this :P Looks exactly like the smiley... =.=

She's got this allergy... To dog food... =.= She had to get a shot for the rashes... >< Brought her back home and went to wash the car... Meep! Love washing my car... So clean and pretty...

Anyway, done with the overal concept of my portfolio... Will be interesting... I think... Sharon might be staying over during the weekend... My parents are going to KL till Monday night... Meep meep...

GENTING TRIP IS ONE WEEK AWAY!!!

Tralalala... I want to post more photos... Soon bah... Maybe tomorrow... Going out with Sharon tomorrow... Must go back to get the SIP form signed... =.= sheesh...

Finally sent her the jazz cd... She likes it! Wahahahaha... Same taste in nice jazz... Whee!!!

Showtime!

2005-12-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

Righty-o... The Genting trip is on! Sharon, Sara and I are going to Genting from the 17th to the 19th of December... Awesome stuff... =3 Wahahahaha...

Argh... meeting tomorrow!!! Prepare prepare!

Obsessing over graphic designs now...

Had a bad start to my day... Fuckers tagging me...

But it's all good now...

Worried for her grandma... Hope she's alright... I'm here if you need anything alright? -hugs-

Pictures

2005-12-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

Here are pictures plus captions under the image.

Slowing shutting speed.

Watching taking arh...

That guy in long sleeves she keeps photographing.

Sunsets on the east.

Boarders standing around.

Our 2nd year anniversary.

Beer bottles and beer with straws.

2 years

2005-12-03T00:08:00.000+08:00

Today was our second year anniversary.

-deep breath-

With the promise of the next year to come being different, I feel a sense of hope. I bought my baby a red crumpler bag for a present... Now we've got matching bags... =3 Ah well... Last year, my baby bought me the red doggy I'm happily lying on now. Red red red. Sigh.

We met up at Orchard to watch Aeon Flux... Cool show... But the plot was a tad disappointing. Ah well... After the movie, we took a nice sleepy bus ride down to Marine Parade and cabbed to East Coast to eat seafood dinner... =3 Yummy...

Then we took a cab back to Suntec to play some drums... I'm getting the hang of bass... Shall work on it more... Played some weird lame shooting game from Namco... Garh... No kick wan... Maybe cause the guns were shaped like vacuum cleaners.

From there, we went home le...

You owe me 2 now!!! =3

Shall post pictures tomorrow bah...

I'm quite tired really... And honestly... Sometimes I feel alot more low than my usual depressed state. The constant worrying and paranoia... It's killing me slowly... I can feel it. I already feel dead...

I love you, darling... Regardless of the pain. Regardless of the tears. Regardless of every bastard who comes our way every 6 months to take you from me. Regardless.

Now and forever.

I had an epiphany to buy combat boots. For the soul purpose of stomping on the feet of enemies (enemy) and causing sterility.

2 years

2005-12-01T20:16:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow marks 2 years of us. 2 years ago, right this second, we were eating some extremely yummy dinner. 2 years ago, I was wondering what would become of us. 2 years ago, you were lying in my arms, saying to me the exact word I wanted to hear.

Yes.

So much has changed over the past 2 years. We both have changed. Nothing really can be quite the same anymore. Yet things seem to be exactly the way they should be. Things are right again. You're just mine again. I love you so much and nothing can change that. -muacks-

Went for meeting today... Almost couldn't get up on time... Very productive though. And we got to watch Li Lin's film called Homemaker. Damn I love that film. So damn funny yet tragically dismal. Meepies... We went to mess around with the elevator at the National Library... So funny... =p Hair discrimination!!! Lol... Rongrong of the long-haired was isolating herself from us short haired people... =p Ellen and Sara cut their hair... o.o It's the season for haircuts... So funny...

ERK!!!

Anyway... Productive day... must go send out that email liao... Bleep bleep bleep...

Met up with my darling at Bugis today... Strolled around and bought her an Emily the Strange book... MEHH!!! Expensive!!! We ate popiah~!! But I couldn't grab the popiah without it breaking and caving in... So my dear fed me...=) So sweet de... I found out today that there are turnips in the popiah... o.o

We played in the arcade!!! Heehee... Kept dying though... Sheesh... Oh well... Dragon Blade with bass!!! Bring it on!!!

Oh yah! Sara's coming to Genting!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Tralalalala... And we're going drumming next week. Awesome shit!!! This holiday promises to be promising. =p

2 more days

2005-12-01T01:02:00.000+08:00

=) 2 more days before the big day!!! Sigh... So fast le... It's been 2 years... Love you always de, darling... -muacks-

Heehee... My dear is so pro at her game... Queen Sharon... And she said I'm King Ying... Rulers of cup corn and guitar freaks... Oh yah. And her mahjong game. Lol...

Went out in the morning to send my baby to school before going back to NTU for UOC meeting. Awesome stuff... Productive day. I wanna start learning jazz drums soon... I love jazz drums... It's an art, really. Transcends the boundaries of just simple percussions. It's a melody by itself. Sigh sigh sigh.

Met up with my baby at PS and we went to play some mahjong before going to watch... CHICKEN LITTLE!!! Heehee... Fish is so cute. =) And the baby alien. Hahahahahaha... Love the parodies in the show... Damn cute...

After the movie, we went to have dinner of porridge and fried rice. Yumminess! After which we went to satiate my Mentos craving and her M&Ms craving to get dollar coins to play drums and guitar!!! Whee!!! Hahaha...

Dear kept chewing me... She said I'm nice to chew... No, dear... I don't wanna try...

Got to cuddle darling on the cab ride home... She's so adorable when she's sleeping... No... Biting... And stuff...

Dear said she's going to go buy my present tomorrow... Shall start making hers tomorrow as well after the meeting... Meep!

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Going with my baby to Genting for 4 days in December... =3 Sara haven't confirm with me yet... I can't wait... =3

iLive

2005-11-30T04:03:00.000+08:00

Today/Yesterday was the 29th. The second 29th dear didn't spend with me. Do I feel doubt? To some extent. Do I feel angry? To a certain degree. I don't know.

My piercing is healing quite well. Doesn't hurt much now. Shall wait and see how it goes.

My baby's not working tml... We're going to take photos of stars... Sigh... I love her so much... She's singing over the phone now... So cute...

This friday will mark 2 years... Time to replan...

Writing up invoices for my freelance jobs now... Minimum 700... Meep...

Tml is meeting day... There's a UOC meeting at 3... Then meeting my baby at esplanade...

Missing her already...

Bah...

Pictures of You

2005-11-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

Heehee... Took pictures with my baby... Scanned them in... However... My stupid PSCS2 not working... So cut them with the grab tool... So... They range in resolution... Let's start with the least blur... =.=

Erm... Differing sizes due to lousy resolution on the smaller pictures... Made them smaller so they look a tad sharper... Yay... Pictures!

Sick Day

2005-11-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

Bleah... Sick... Flu... Kinda... Or a weird sickish hangover. Not likely. My ear is officially infected... And hurts like hell... Bah...

Supposed to go to Chandran and Amy's wedding today... But by the time we got there, it was too late and everyone was going home... So lame... For those who don't really know, Chandran is the head of Act 3 Theatrics and Amy is an actress from Mediacorp, the lady who acted in that show from long ago, Growing up. Anabelle insertsurname was there too... The one who is married to Sheik Haikel... Or however you spell that. What is such a pretty girl like her doing with such an odd guy... Sheesh... Oh well... Which reminds me... I want to scan pictures of my pretty baby...

Bleah bleah bleah... Went to wash car today... Pretty clean car... My mom bought me alot of funny lil animal things to put in my car... I have... A horse-ish tissue box cover, a doggy handphone holder and two adorable lil Mehmehs sitting on the dashboard. So cute... Lol. And I stuck the green thing baby gave me on the driver's side when my mom wasn't looking. So funny.

Brought Maohmaoh with me around the house today... Feels less lonely like that....

Get well soon, darling...

I love you...

Blogging

2005-11-27T05:24:00.000+08:00

Here... I'm blogging... Kinda signifies I'm alive to some point, I suppose.

My yesterday was fun. Mostly. Picked my baby up from her house before heading to far east to buy her a nice tie. Then we hopped over to Lido to catch Saw 2... Very cool... Ties in nicely with the first Saw... Amazing shit... Though the end was a tad more predictable than the first one. Oh well. Had to cover my baby's eyes alot though... Damn gory stuff... Garh...

After the movie, we headed to wisma to buy a white shirt to go with her tie. Found a nice one at Esprit (Not too sure how to spell that brand name... It's spelt like that on my bathroom mat... Free gifts and crappy embriodery) and waddled around trying to find a salesperson so we could get a new piece. Sigh... She looks so cute... Shall post pictures when I scan them...

After that, we went to Bugis to have a hair cut. At first, I really didn't like my hair cut. There's this odd angle on the left where my fringe meets my hair and the stylist is obsessed with sharp angles... Meep... But she styled it awesome... And my baby looked sooooo cute... And she changed into her new shirt and tie... Meep! Kept staring at her... Can't take my eyes off her.

After the haircut, we went to watch Prime. Funny show. Dear liked it alot... =) I don't really like the ending... So sad de... Mew... ah well...

Went to buy surgical spirit from Watsons... They ran out of Melty Kiss... T.T Bleah... The surgical spirit smells like crap... And I officially can't feel shit on my piercing...

We went to have a late dinner/supper at Breko and I had salad and tea... Dear commented I looked like those health freaks... Or a super tai tai... =.= Sigh... After dinner, we had a bottle of Carlsberg each and she stole my sticker! Lol... Pretty much gone after that... We took a cab home from there...

That's when my day went downhill.

When I got home, my mom went raving mad about the time and that I reeked of alcohol. She demanded I took the piercing out so I'm going back to Orchard tml to have it taken out. ARGH. Then came the whole thing about my dressing and my hair again. I happen to like the way I dress and the way my hair looks. I'm comfortable. Fine. She wants me to dress the way she wants me to. Fine. One day I'll just die inside and she will never notice I'm gone. ARGH. ass.

On the brighter side... My baby's been very sweet to me today... She kept helping me clean my ear and put alcohol on it and all... Though she kept bashing my ear in accidentally... =.= But she made it up with hugs and kisses afters so it's pretty much okay... =3

Supposed to go to Chandran's wedding tomorrow afternoon at some indian temple... Would be interesting. But I'm considering skipping it to go have the piercing removed...

Pansy.

Pissed off lah... I like my piercing. The swelling is already going away and it doesn't hurt at all now. When I take it out, I'm sure I'll regret it next time. But who gives a shit about me right. Bah.

I miss my baby... In her arms, I've never felt more loved, ever.

Love you, baby...

Thank you... That last message meant the world to me...

Now... Wtf am I doing up at 5.30... Been pottering around my room since 430 when I got up to the immense pain in my ear... Bah...

To all I did not reply via sms yesterday... Was kinda busy and preoccupied... Wanted to reply you all when I got home but circumstances made it otherwise... Too wasted to press phone buttons... Oh well... Sorry about that...

To my baby:

Miss you le...

Smiles and Goodbyes

2005-11-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

It comes a time when things must come to an end. A heart can only endure so much pain. A mind can only take so much sadness. A soul can only be so empty. I suppose, I've always wanted to just... Go. But Something always stopped me. My phone is more or less wasted... So nothing to stop me this time. Last words? I have quite a few.

To my friends, thank you for being around when I needed someone. Friends in my life play such an important role. Words cannot adequatly describe just how important. Friends helped me when I was down. Friends turned my life around when I was in the depths of despair. Friends supported me, challenged me, spurred me on. Friends were what I cherished most. So thank you. To all of you.

To my enemies, it's always saddening to have enemies. I suppose at this point I have about one. And sadly, till my last breath, I still hate him to no end. I suppose I cannot blame him for all that's happened. I suppose it's not his fault that I am what I am - a hollow shell of a human. I suppose. But enough ifs and buts. No more times for them now.

To my dear, there are just too many words. I'm sorry, being the most important. Sorry I was never enough. Sorry I always made you angry. Sorry for loving you too much. I'm sorry. My life is the way it is now because I wanted so much to be by your side. To love you for as long as possible. We've been together for almost 2 years now. And only 13 months of those two years were you truly mine. It hurts too much sometimes. I really wanted to do what I am about to do for some time now. But I always thought things would be different. That one day I would not disappoint. Not the person I loved the most. Since I'm not going to be around on our anniversary, I want you to know, I've been planning it for some time now. From the dinner on top of Labrador Park, to sunsets in cable cars. I really did love you. I suppose I loved you too little or too much., But never just enough.

Alright. This computer is too slow and is starting to test my patience. This will be my last post.

Moon so bright, night so fine,
Keep your heart here with mine
Life's a dream we are dreaming

Race the moon, catch the wind,
Ride the night to the end,
Seize the day, stand up for the light

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do

Heroes rise, heroes fall,
Rise again, win it all,

In your heart, can't you feel the glory?
Through our joy, through our pain,
We can move worlds again
Take my hand, dance with me (dance with me)

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

Though we know we will never come again
Where there is love, life begins
Over and over again

Save the night, save the day,
Save the love, come what may,
Love is worth everything we pay

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

loving you...

Why de...

2005-11-24T00:51:00.000+08:00

Why u liddat de... Breaks my heart... Hurts like crazy now... Pain... I wanna cry...

Things I love

2005-11-23T19:57:00.000+08:00

I love...

Drumming,
driving,
singing,
flying,
photography,
guitar,
reading,
drawing,
designing,
snowboarding...

But most of all...

I love you.

You should know who you are... =)

Not that crap again!!

2005-11-23T19:41:00.000+08:00

First things first.

It's alright, baby... I understand... -hugs- I love you...

Alright... Today... I brought the kids out to watch Harry Potter. Again. Meh. Oh ya... I put the green thing my darling bought me, in the car... It's adorable... -muacks- Thankew dear...

Meep... My piercing won't stop bleeding... But it's probably cause I keep fiddling with it. I should stop fiddling. Strangely, my mom hasn't noticed yet. I'll just wait and see how long she takes to notice...

Maoh...

I'm seeing alot of NTUADM ppl walking around these couple of days... -shrug- The holiday mood is infecting everyone...

I'm coming up short on cash this month... Spent too much last month... The last 100 dollar withdrawal totalled me. Sigh... I only have about 300 left this month... GARH. Okay. I shall not buy concession this month... Hopefully I can drive by the 15th and start living off petrol instead of those volvo buses with variable smells (I hopped onto a number 7 the other day that smelled strongly of soya sauce)

Mew... Feeling kinda lethargic really... But I really need to start mugging for my history exam properly... I'm not too keen on trying to cram too much info... I'll just forget when it comes down to it... Shall just try to memorize how the painting/ sculpture/ thing-of-some-artistic-value looks like... And dive head-first into my doomed paper. Shouldn;t be too bad... Right? Sigh.

Xmas is coming! Xmas lists anyone? I have one... But shan't post it up... Embarrassing things I want... Sheesh...

Piercing

2005-11-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

Got my ear pierced... Hahahaha... Needle piercing... So fun... Shall post pictures when my baby gives me back my camera... My baby pierced her belly... ARGH... That's hot.

My baby's sleeping... Shall start on scripting soon... Miss her...

=3

Sigh...

OMG... I BOUGHT MELTY KISS... ALL YOUR MELTY KISS ARE BELONG TO ME!!!! HAHAHAHAHA.... omg... I bought 4 boxes... siao... its the season to be jolly... Fuck i love xmas.

3

2005-11-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

Shall go pierce by ear later with dear... So we'll have the same funny lil piercing at the top of our right ears.

hung out with dear yesterday after her class... Had thai food... omg... ate so much... @.@ siao already... Maoh... We walked around quite a bit before bringing her to pierce ears and then going buying food for her mom. Then sent her home before heading back...

Garh... Tired...

Why does it have to rain!!!!! I wanna go driving... Bah...

Sigh... I miss my baby...

Hate my hair when its dry... It's alright when its wet though...

ARGH!!! I look like ah beng...

Sigh...

I'm not okay

2005-11-20T18:43:00.000+08:00

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again
You sing the words but don't know what it means
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you'd read me like a book
But the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay
(Trust me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

hurt

2005-11-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

fuck that hurt.

Still does.

Wonder if things would be the same if I had not sent you home... Had not forgotten to return your camera... Had not met him. Twice. Going to your house.

I HATE THAT GUY.

And now I hate everything else.

I wish I ran faster. I wish I had run onto the road and gotten myself run over.

Hurt. Betrayal. Pain.

My heart hurt so much. I couldn't stop crying. I still can't. It hurts so much i can't breathe. Feels like asthma. Just worse because no inhaler can ease this. It hurts.

I hate.

I hate.

I hate.

I hurt.

Someone please save me from this hell I am fast falling into... Save me from the tears. The pain.

Photos

2005-11-18T18:53:00.000+08:00

Here are some photos.

My baby's mauled corn... o.o

Proof we existed.

My baby's mask.

This is MaohMaoh... So cute right?

This is me... =.=

Wild side of the com lab.

Neat side of the com lab.

Bored kinda... Hung out with my mom today... Went to the office, studied some history while sleeping behind the book. Then we went to Pacific Plaza... The soup there is ENORMOUS... Omg... Crazy shit... Oh well... Got two new CDs and the Schindler's List DVD... Watching it now... Feel kinda drowsy... Where's dear... Maohmaohmaoh...

Goblet of Fire

2005-11-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

Right.

Today, had history presentation. Went to school at 11 cause that was when we were supposed to meet. But everyone only started appearing at 1130, over a span of 1 hour. Meh. Oh well.

Before anything...

Take my quiz please.
See how well you know me.

Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Okay... Now that's done with... Presentation was okay... Forgot a bunch of points... Bah... Rushed off to catch a cab down to Marina Square and was late. Saw Zihan while in the queue. He left presentation early too. Collected the tickets to Harry Potter and went to watch with dear.

The movie was quite good... Though they strayed quite a fair bit from the original storyline. Meh. Oh well. Wasn't very happy throughout the movie. Quite tired now.

After that, we went for dinner at Cafe Cartel. Dear's steak was over raw and we had to send it back. Then dear got an oreo cheesecake before we headed home.

Tired.

tiring day.

I want to bleach my hair white.

Hmm...

2005-11-16T19:27:00.000+08:00

Today was tiring... Still tired... Sigh... The stupidity of some people... Can't even count properly from one to six... Bah... Nvm bah... Live and let live... Makes you wonder really how they survived till now without getting knocked over by a large truck.

Bah. Pissing me off.

Which reminds me... Must go buy a new mogu pillow for my baby... The last one I bought for her is starting to deflate... (however beads deflate)

Finally got hold of a history textbook today and in the half hour on the bus, managed to devour 200 ++ pages of the thing... Sigh... Still have plenty to go... Shall study a bit everyday. Decided that I shall take this holiday to get my life back in shape... Shall go back to my original exercise routine and probably take up Uncle Lennet's offer for Wingchun... Might come in handy next time I see that bastard. For now, I'm satisfied holding the history textbook and being prepared to mulch someone's head with it. Someone in particular anyway.

Had a meeting at the library today... Stupid reference section and their conformist rules!!! Sigh. Oh well. Finished up the brain storm for the history presentation tomorrow... Harry Potter tomorrow! Hell yeah!

Hmm... Went to buy some books today on how to draw and stuff... Shall aquire some 3-D programme for my G5 and work on it during the holidays. Also, I shall try to familiarize myself with all the programmes (i.e., Fireworks, Freehand, InDesign, Illustrator, etc.)

Alright! Holiday list!

- Learn how to kill people
- Learn 3D on computer
- Learn to draw better
- Buy another mogu pillow for dear
- Read 5 fat novels
- Start working out
- Get driver's license and drive to the beach to jog everyday
- Walk the dog everyday
- Wash the car =.=
- Reduce pimple population
- Take up drum lessons
- Acquire free access to a real drum set
- Master drumming
- Tidy my room
- Take up motorbike lessons
(dream bike)
- Plan an awesome 2nd year anniversary
- Love dear more

yesh... Almost 2 years now... Maoh maoh... Won't let one idiot ruin it all. Beat him with a baseball bat if deemed necessary. Bastard.

Something interesting...

I
do
not
know
where
family
doctors
acquired
illegibly
perplexing
handwriting;
nevertheless,
extraordinary
pharmaceutical
intellectuality,
counterbalancing
indecipherability,
transcendentalizes
intercommunications'
incomprehensibleness.

Sigh... I wonder sometimes. But I can only wonder. Shall blog the rest privately now.

Pictures of you

2005-11-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

My baby drew this!

My unmistakable butt.

Heehee... Watcha looking at?

Aiyoh! So pale! -Shock!-

Noogie noogie noogie~!

Pigging out with my darling.